Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils, while other schools have a very relaxed dress code. Which approach do you think has more advantages? Are there any disadvantages to children having a school uniform?
Few educational institutes are stringent in following
the
Correct article usage
apply
uniform
policies and
Correct word choice
which
affects
the Change the verb form
affect
overall
appearance of the students
. While
Other institutes follow a more relaxed dress code. I believe wearing school
attire possesses more pros like equality among students
but in this
essay, we will explore the topic and elaborate on why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
On the positive side, School
uniforms give a sense of equality to students
who are studying in that school
. During school
time they will have an increased concentration on their studies, rather than having a discussion about the kind of clothes an individual is wearing which further
leads to discrimination based upon the family income and affects the psychological behavior of child
. Another benefit is thatAdd an article
the child
a child
,
it helps in providing additional safety to the pupils. By wearing Remove the comma
apply
school
attire, students
can be uniquely spotted from far away distance which will lead to fewer chances of any misshaping because people will be closely observing them. For example
, As per comparative
study conducted by Add an article
a comparative
the comparative
education
department of Europe, Add an article
the education
students
wearing school
uniforms are able to put sixty percent
more focus Change the spelling
per cent
in
their studies as compared to Change preposition
on
students
who come in casual clothes.
On the other hand
, school
attire has put an additional burden on parents
. In modern-day, schools force parents
to buyFix the agreement mistake
uniforms
uniform
for their kids during the admission process itself from designated vendors which leads to more strain on parents
because they will sell a uniform
at an elevated price however
, they can get the same uniform
at a competitive price. To illustrate, As per a survey conducted by leading uniform
sellers, from the past few years, post signing a contract to sell the uniforms of the leading institute, their profit margins have increased by forty per cent.
In conclusion, In spite of having disadvantages like a financial burden on parents
, I believe wearing school
uniform
will have numerous advantages like giving a sense of equality among students
and an
increased safety.Remove the article
apply
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Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the question comprehensively. While the essay does give an opinion on which approach has more advantages, it does not clearly discuss the disadvantages of children having a school uniform separate from the financial perspective. There is a need for a broader range of examples and exploration of the potential negative implications of uniforms on children's development, expression, and well-being.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, the essay has a reasonable logical structure, using paragraphs to break up the text, but the progression of ideas could be smoother. Transitions between ideas can be enhanced by using a variety of linking words and phrases. Additionally, it is important to ensure that pronoun reference is clear ('them' in the safety argument is a little ambiguous) and that points are made and explained within the same section for better cohesion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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