IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is possible for a country to be economically successful and have a clean environment. Others argue that these two aims are not compatible. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #country #environment #two
There are different views regarding the
country
's possibility to achieve success in the economy and sustaining the environment's cleanliness.
While
 some people argue that it is an impossible task to do, others strongly believe the goal is still achievable. I personally agree with the latter idea because the advancement in current technology is capable of helping a
country
 to achieve both objectives. It is well known that one of the main drivers of economic growth in one
country
 is local businesses, as simple as the more the transactions the bigger the impact. To fulfil big demand from the market, many ventures are required to mass-produce their products.
In addition
 to that, heavy supply chain and logistic networks are essential to them for reaching more customers.
Consequently
, a high number of energy resources is needed to fully support those activities and many developing
countries
 chose fossil-based sources more
due to
 availability and processing capability.
However
, based on one independent study, the previously stated decision contributed to more than 70% of environmental pollution, especially in the air. To solve that problem, many
countries
 that already faced the same issue for many years, started to move to a greener policy. On top of growing their economy, they are challenged to find better alternative ways that
also
 sustain the environment and they found it. Despite the difficulty, with the help of technology, some of them started to migrate to cleaner options for energy power plants,
such
 as nuclear-based and biomass-based.
Additionally
, many
countries
also
 utilise the new available electronic transportation modes for handling the distribution. Those policies have proven successful in reducing the pollution from industries to only 15%, per 2013 research in 10 European
countries
. In conclusion, despite the challenge, with the support of current technology, it is possible for a
country
 to achieve an economically successful state
while
 sustaining the level of environmental cleanliness.
Submitted by gurunnevada on

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coherence cohesion
Though the structure of the essay is reasonably logical, transitions between points can be improved for better coherence. Consider employing a wider range of linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are present, hinting at your position, but to achieve a higher band, make sure your opinion is re-emphasized in the conclusion with a stronger, clearer stance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is explicitly supported with examples or data. While some evidence is provided, ensure that the evidence is up-to-date and referenced accurately to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
To obtain a higher score in task response, fully develop all parts of the task. Your response covers the task, but a more detailed exploration of the contrasting views could enhance your score.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but at times, discussions lack depth. Aim to present your ideas more comprehensively, analyzing implications or consequences, which will add to the complexity of your response.
task achievement
Utilize specific, relevant examples to back up your claims. The examples provided are somewhat general and lack detailed information that could make your arguments more convincing, such as specific data or named studies.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • environmental sustainability
  • policies
  • technology
  • commitment
  • green technology
  • renewable energy sources
  • carbon emissions
  • pollution
  • industrial development
  • production
  • consumption
  • depletion of natural resources
  • loss of biodiversity
  • unsustainable
  • consumption patterns
  • sustainable development
  • technological innovation
  • global cooperation
  • circular economy
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