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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1997 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1997 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#changes #asian #elephants #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 of Asian elephants from nine countries in Asia.
This
 survey was conducted between 1997 to 2004.
Overall
, the highest figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Asian
elephant
Fix the agreement mistake
elephants
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 showed India
while
 the
last
 showed
at
Change preposition
apply
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China.
To begin
 with, India had a substantial proportion of 10,000
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1997, 2004
was decreasing
Wrong verb form
it decreased by
show examples
 2,500
population
. Following was seen Myanmar 5,000 at 1997 and went down around 500 at 2004. Interestingly, Thailand depicted
apporximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 4,000
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1997
while
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2004, it was a
deifferent
Correct your spelling
different
 around 1,500
population
. And
also
 a similar trend was seen
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Malaysia, it was a big decreasing number of
population
. Moving to an
eqaul
Correct your spelling
equal
firgure
Correct your spelling
figure
 of
an Asian elephants
Correct the article-noun agreement
Asian elephants
an Asian elephant
show examples
demonstated
Correct your spelling
demonstrated
demonstrate
 Vietnam, Sri Lanka, and Cambodia respectively, There were in the same ways in the maximum between 1997 to 2004. Turning to China illustrated the lowest
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1997 about 500
population
 and increased
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 500
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2004.
Propbably
Correct your spelling
Probably
, the government
encourang
Verb problem
encourages us
show examples
 to look after
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
wildlife more.
Submitted by cherriess_cr on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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