IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema.Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
Now-a-days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 cinema is more essential for humans.Because it's
kind
Correct article usage
a kind
show examples
 of treatment/relaxation for those who are
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffering
show examples
 from stress.In
this
Linking Words
 century,mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
/
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 or
tablets
Use synonyms
 are available for all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
.In
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 century,
For watching
Change preposition
to watch
show examples
movies
Use synonyms
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 used to go to
Use synonyms
theatre
Add an article
the theatre
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Many
Use synonyms
people
Add a verb
people are
people were
show examples
 addicted
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 smartphones and
tablets
Use synonyms
.
Now-a-days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 OTT released
movies
Use synonyms
 are available on
web
Correct article usage
the web
show examples
/OTT
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
.So in
this
Linking Words
 case,We can watch
movies
Use synonyms
,Short videos,songs and
webseries
Correct your spelling
web series
websites
 through
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
 or tablet.The Internet service providers are offered many OTT
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
/relevant
along with
Linking Words
 mobile data recharge.
Due to
Linking Words
unlimited
Correct article usage
the unlimited
show examples
 data pack,
people
Use synonyms
 maximum spent time
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
mobile
Correct pronoun usage
their mobile
show examples
.So
theatre
Use synonyms
 works mostly over.So It's saving time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of going to
Use synonyms
theatre
Add an article
the theatre
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Some of
other
Add an article
the other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 said that to be fully enjoyed,films need to be seen in
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
.
Now-a-days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
theatre
Use synonyms
 facilities are fully digitalized.The sound setting for
Use synonyms
theatre
Correct article usage
the theatre
show examples
 is surrounded by
dolby
Change the capitalization
Dolby
show examples
 atmos technology and
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
3D technology was upgraded.A/c seats are
also
Linking Words
 available.And
canteen
Correct article usage
the canteen
show examples
 facilities are well developed.So
people
Use synonyms
 like to watch
movies
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
theatre
Add an article
the theatre
a theatre
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
In my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 both
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 or
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
theatre
Fix the agreement mistake
theatres
show examples
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 advantages to
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
movies
Use synonyms
,
webseries
Correct your spelling
web series
,etc.But for thriller
movies
Use synonyms
,It can affect health
while
Linking Words
 watching in
theatre
Use synonyms
.But the
3dimensional
Correct your spelling
3-dimensional
 effects/technology
liked
Add a missing verb
is liked
show examples
 more by
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
.
Conclusion
Compare
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to smartphones or
tablets
Use synonyms
,
While
Linking Words
 watching in
Use synonyms
theatre
Correct article usage
the theatre
show examples
,
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 has more viewing experience.So both
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 viewing experience.But
while
Linking Words
 watching in
Use synonyms
theatre
Correct article usage
the theatre
show examples
,We have to spend more money compared to watching
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 smartphones or
tablets
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear organizational structure which makes it difficult to follow your arguments. Consider using clear paragraphing with topic sentences that introduce the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea.
task achievement
You have presented both views as the prompt requested, but your examples and explanations are limited and not fully developed. Your own opinion is also not clearly stated or elaborated on. Make sure to provide specific examples to support your points and clearly express and justify your own opinion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Convenience
  • Mobile Viewing
  • Cost-efficient
  • Time-efficient
  • Personalized experience
  • Immersive
  • Cinematic experience
  • Surround sound
  • Collective experience
  • Technical superiority
  • Sensory experience
  • Social hubs
  • Cultural events
  • Distractions
  • Preservation
  • Filmmaking art
  • Cinematographic nuances
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