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Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #program
It is sometimes argued that high
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should make voluntary
community
service
 a compulsory program.
While
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 accept that
such
service
Correct article usage
a service
show examples
 can be beneficial, I believe enforcing it makes no sense. It is true that participation in
community
service
 has its value. For one, unpaid
community
service
 helps high
school
 students better understand citizenship. Teenagers are in a critical period when their characters are being built. Voluntary activities enable them to have a better idea of how their small acts positively influence others so that they will have a stronger sense of responsibility. For another, their social skills develop by joining in voluntary activities. Interacting with diverse populations:
Community
service
 often involves working with individuals from different backgrounds, cultures, and age groups.
This
 exposure to diversity helps students develop their interpersonal skills and learn how to communicate effectively with people who may have different perspectives and experiences. It promotes understanding, empathy, and the ability to work collaboratively in a multicultural society.
For example
, being a volunteer in a nursing home helps them learn to be a good listener. By distributing toys and food to impoverished people in a local church, they get to have more empathy for others’ situations.
However
, it is unreasonable to make
community
service
 a graduation requirement.
In particular
, the benefits of
such
service
 mentioned above are over-exaggerated. A high
school
 student usually will not put their heart into doing
community
service
 projects once forced to do so. It is highly likely that they will end up gaining little benefits from these activities. Alternatively, compulsion can be counterproductive. Teenagers are often rebellious and do not want to do what they are told. Once enforced, unpaid
community
service
 will leave a terrible impression.
This
 will turn them against future participation. In conclusion,
although
 there are reasons to believe that unpaid
community
 programs have a positive influence, my view is that it is unwise to regard them as criteria to judge whether a high
school
 student is eligible to graduate.
Submitted by yangx on

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task achievement
Task Achievement: Your response includes a clear position throughout the response, but there could be more development of your main points with specific examples. Additionally, consider exploring both sides of the argument more evenly to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: You have organized your essay in a logical structure with clear paragraphs, which aids readability. However, work on improving the use of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and to enhance overall cohesion. This can include expressions that signal contrasts or comparisons, as well as those that help structure your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unpaid community service
  • compulsory
  • high school program
  • civic engagement
  • social responsibility
  • empathy
  • work experience
  • volunteerism
  • altruism
  • mandatory
  • personal development
  • civic duty
  • skills development
  • equity
  • motivation
  • academic pressures
  • citizenship
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