IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that it is beneficial for old people to learn new while others believe that once a person is past 65 years of age it is too late to learn. What is your opinion?

#people #person #years #age
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The importance of the older generation learning new things after the age of 65 years which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
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 others reject
this
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 notion. The substantial influence of
this
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 trend has sparked controversy over its potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, the former proposition appears to be more rational.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate my viewpoints
along with
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 a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
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, the first and foremost reason behind
this
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 is that it certainly keeps the elder people occupied because they are open and motivated to learn new things. Another striking benefit in
this
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 regard is that it makes them self-dependent.
For instance
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, if an elder person learns to use the various applications of the smartphone, he can keep himself in touch with his family and relatives
,
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 and can entertain himself in many ways without seeking support from others to use these applications. Moving ahead, one of the main underlying reasons stems from the fact that they do not suffer from anxiety, depression, and loneliness which are prime health problems faced at
this
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 stage.
Apart from
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this
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, it is never too late to learn something. Categorically , it cannot be ignored that the main reason to involve older people in learning new things is that it keeps their bodies and minds active. To recapitulate,
according to
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 the arguments aforementioned above, one can conclude that the benefits of learning even after 65 years of age are indeed too great to ignore.
Submitted by jagdeepsingh3699 on

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task response
It's essential to create a well-rounded argument by discussing opposing viewpoints, especially when the prompt presents two sides of an argument. Your essay mostly focused on one side without acknowledging the counterarguments which might exist. Consider offering a balanced view by conceding potential merits of the opposing opinion while reinforcing your own stance.
coherence and cohesion
The essay shows a reasonable level of coherence with a clear overall progression. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the essay could benefit from stronger topic sentences that clearly lead to the main point of each paragraph. To improve cohesion, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases, and ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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