IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The world today is a safer place and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Although
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 the world these days is a safer place than in the older decade, we can'
t
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 ignore the possibility of war that can happen whenever. Meanwhile, some people believe that governments should stop spending large amounts of money on the expenditure of armed forces.
Hence
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, I partly side with the community who agree that there must be a big amount of allocation for the arrangement if there is a battle.
This
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 will be proven by discussing how the preparation of armed forces can prevent a
country
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 from vulnerability. First and foremost, the conflict can'
t
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 be predicted when to come yet some people are still on the side of them who agree that the government of a provincial shouldn'
t
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 spend millions on their military.
This
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 can affect the
country
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's vulnerability which can be harmful if there is bloodshed. Looking at historical examples where disarmament led to vulnerability,
for example
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, when in WWII situations, could serve as a cautionary perspective.
Therefore
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, a bundle of budget for the army should be there to prevent the bad impacts when there is a combat.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 defence equipment is important to a
country
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, we
also
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 can'
t
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 ignore the other sectors' budgets. If the budget couldn'
t
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 be reallocated to sectors like education, healthcare, or environmental conservation, there would be inequality between each district.
For instance
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, if the education zone only has a low cost, it can affect the quality of the education and the wages for the teachers.
Consequently
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, the study for each region can be not the same and decreases the quality of the people in a province.
Thus
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, the financial implications of defence equipment spending should be dissected. To summarize, big bucks are needed for soldierly to prevent the sense of being defenceless so civilians can feel secure. On the backward, a million cost is
also
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 needed in another part which is
also
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 important to a
country
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.

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Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, specifically stating your opinion and summarizing the main points.
Logical Structure
To improve logical structure, use clear paragraphing with topic sentences that directly relate to the task question, and develop each idea thoroughly.
Supported Main Points
Provide clear and direct main points supported by specific examples or evidence, ensuring relevance to the essay topic.
Complete Response
Address all parts of the task by providing a balanced view with a conclusion that reflects these views, and include reasons for your answer with illustrations.
Clear Ideas
Develop ideas fully to ensure a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Present opinions and ideas in a clear manner that demonstrates understanding.
Relevant Examples
Include relevant, specific examples or case studies to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • diplomatic relations
  • geopolitical balance
  • national security
  • deterrent
  • military readiness
  • armed forces
  • disarmament
  • vulnerability
  • reallocation of resources
  • technological advancements
  • cyber security
  • intelligence
  • counter-terrorism
  • global power dynamics
  • utilitarian perspective
  • humanitarian needs
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