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Writing Samples
Band 6

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

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The pressure to be successful in
this
Linking Words
 day and age is usually defined in terms of the wealth or material belongings a person possesses. Nowadays, one of the ways we deem
success
Use synonyms
 is by measuring a person's wealth. I believe that it is more than just financial status that
attributes
Verb problem
contributes
show examples
 to
success
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.
Although
Linking Words
,
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apply
show examples
 the vast majority of people would say that you have made it in
this
Linking Words
 world if you are financially well off, I believe other factors ,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 happiness, health and family are the keys to being triumphant. Many affluent families are already born into their riches and wealth, often;
this
Linking Words
 means that they have no true idea of how to obtain an achievement through hard
work
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 or grit.
Success
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 should be defined in terms of good health, a well-paid occupation and a loving home. It is ultimately these core values that will bring a person true pleasure and attainability. In order for someone to be successful they must be determined and
work
Use synonyms
 hard for what they want.
For instance
Linking Words
, training to become a doctor requires years and years of dedicated self-study and
work
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. The ultimate joy comes from when they have been able to save the lives of their patients, which, is the cornerstone of
success
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.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 having money can help you reach your goals easier, it is up to the individual themselves to create their own version of
success
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 and joy. In conclusion,
success
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 should not be defined on a monetary basis, but rather on a scale of enrichment through hard
work
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, family and health.

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task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear position throughout the response, but there is a need for more depth in the elaboration of main points.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the text has a logical structure; however, transitions could be improved to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and functioning as expected within the essay structure. Yet, the conclusion could be expanded for emphasizing the main argument.
task achievement
Several general statements are made without the support of specific examples or detailed explanation, which affects the essay's effectiveness in conveying the argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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