IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Investor are not as important to society as doctors. To what extent do yo agree with this statement? Give reason and include any relevant example based on your own knowlegde.

#investor #society #doctors #yo #reason #knowlegde
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Most people think that
doctors
Use synonyms
 are more essential than
investors
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, but I think both of them are equally important because we need
investors
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 to develop our
country
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, and
doctors
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 are needed to keep our health.
To begin
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 with,
doctors
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 are important professions that cannot change with other professions. Sick people get some medicine receipts from
doctors
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, and
then
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 they recover from their disease.
Doctors
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also
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 provide vaccines to prevent some diseases.
Moreover
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,
doctors
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 can handle a nation’s situation from pandemics that suddenly come into the world.
For example
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, in COVID-19, which happened in 2019, many people were infected and died.
Doctors
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 played the biggest part in
this
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 situation. They checked, took care
, and
Change preposition
of, and
show examples
 gave medicine
as well as
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 vaccines. Because of that,
doctors
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 helped to decrease the number of deaths by around two years.
On the other hand
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,
investors
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 have many benefits for the
country
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, especially when the
country
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 has a pandemic case and there are no
investors
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 who invest in the
country
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. The
government
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 is dealing with difficult, phenomenal situations.
Investors
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 have relations with the
government
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 because they want to invest in some companies in
this
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country
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, but they should have permission from
this
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country
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. They
also
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 pay some taxes to the
government
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. With taxes, the
government
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 can build and reconstruct public facilities.
For instance
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, the
government
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 should build and rebuild more healthy facilities in the area, which has many COVID-19 cases. It
also
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 improves the equipment that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors
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 need to cure COVID-19 patients,
such
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 as sterilisation tools, facemasks, hand sanitisers, and personal protective equipment (PPE). In conclusion,
doctors
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 can keep nations healthy, but they need
investors
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 to invest in public facilities (hospitals) to update their equipment. The
government
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also
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 needs inventors because they contribute to expanding the
country
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.
Submitted by muhammadluthfidzulfikar on

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coherence cohesion
You have presented the basic structure of an essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, to enhance the quality of your writing, ensure that each paragraph is clearly focused on a single main idea with well-developed supporting details. Transition use should be smooth.
task achievement
While the response completes the task, it could be further improved by ensuring a more thorough and clear understanding of the question. Address the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and provide more pertinent examples to support your points.
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