IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilities
Businesses
 have always sought to make a profit, but it is becoming increasingly common to hear people talk about the social obligations that
companies
 have. I completely agree that
businesses
 should do more for
society
 than make money. On the one hand, I accept that
businesses
 must make money to survive in a competitive world. The priority of any
company
 should be to cover its running costs,
such
 as employees' wages and payments for buildings and utilities. On top of these costs,
companies
also
 need to invest in improvements and innovations if they wish to remain successful. If a
company
 cannot pay its bills or meet customers' changing needs, any concerns about social responsibilities become irrelevant.
In other words
, a
company
 can only positively contribute to
society
 in good financial health.
On the other hand
,
companies
 should not be run to maximize profit; they have a broader role to play in
society
. Owners and managers have a social obligation to treat their employees well rather than exploit them.
For example
, they could pay a "living wage" to ensure workers have a good quality of life. I
also
 like the idea that
businesses
 could use a proportion of their profits to support local charities, environmental projects, or education initiatives.
Finally
,
instead
 of trying to minimize their tax payments by using accounting loopholes,
company
 bosses should be happy to contribute to
society
 through the tax system. In conclusion,
companies
 should place as much importance on their social responsibilities as they do on their financial objectives.
Submitted by channguyenhon6 on

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coherence cohesion
You have demonstrated a clear logical structure within your essay; however, to improve your score, consider enhancing the transitions between ideas for a more seamless flow, including a variety of linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and generally clear, contributing to the coherence of the essay. To further strengthen these sections, ensure that your thesis statement clearly outlines the points you will discuss, and refine your concluding statements to reinforce your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points to a satisfactory extent. To further refine this, make sure all main points are expanded with well-developed explanations and a broader range of supporting examples, which will contribute to a richer and more convincing argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task presented, providing a complete response and showing a clear position throughout. To enhance your score, work on developing your position with a more in-depth analysis, and ensure your ideas are fully explored and not merely stated.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and relevant to the topic, demonstrating a good understanding of the task. For a higher score, you should aim to not just present ideas but to delve into them comprehensively, providing a nuanced perspective that reflects a complex understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You have included some relevant examples which help illustrate your points. To improve, integrate a variety of specific, detailed examples that are directly related to your arguments. This could involve citing case studies, statistics, or other factual information to substantiate your assertions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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