It is a good idea for people to continue working in an old age, if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?
One of the really interesting issues nowadays is should old people continue working
in
Change preposition
apply
an
their Correct your spelling
at
age
and is
it possible for them to do so. There is Correct word choice
if is
not
absolute agreement. But there Correct your spelling
no
also
have very big
amount of Correct word choice
large
evidences
and facts Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
for
agree with Change preposition
to
this
statement. However
I disagree with Add a comma
However,
this
.
Commonly held belief that keep working even in the
old Correct article usage
apply
age
is good
idea because even if you retire you can get money for yourself. Despite Change the article
a good
this
incredible edges, Correct determiner usage
these
for
you will be better if you stop working. Because I think when you get older Change preposition
apply
as well as
your family. You must preserve
your family from collapsing and love them. If you always will work your Verb problem
keep
parthner
, children, siblings and parents want to be together. You can'Correct your spelling
partner
t
give them attention if you always aren't
at home. In spite the
fact that you want to work in order to help Change preposition
of the
own
family, Correct pronoun usage
your own
this
essay think
that you shouldn'Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
t
working
so hard. Change the verb form
work
be working
Furthermore
, human
in their old Fix the agreement mistake
humans
age
want liberty and do their hobby in their leisure time. The all issues or problems wouldn'
Correct your spelling
won't
t
disturb if
you Correct pronoun usage
you if
will
do Verb problem
apply
anythink
you want Correct your spelling
anything
finit
on imagine you'll cheer.
In conclusion, taking all Correct your spelling
finish
Correct article usage
the informations
informations
mentioned previously I totally confirm that Change the wording
information
pieces of information
continue
Wrong verb form
continuing
working
in an old Replace the word
work
age
is bad
idea even if it is possible for some to do.Change the article
a bad
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, however, it lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas. It's important to organize your essay into clear paragraphs with each paragraph containing a single main idea, supported by specific examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction should more clearly outline the topic and your position on it. The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion without adding new information.
task achievement
Your argument tends to drift and often is not supported with clear examples or explanations. Aim to provide clear, relevant examples for each point made, and ensure these examples directly support your overall argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.