It is a good idea for people to continue working in an old age, if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the really interesting issues nowadays is should old people continue working
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
at
show examples
their
age
and
is
Correct word choice
if is
show examples
it possible for them to do so. There is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
absolute agreement. But there
also
have very
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
amount of
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
and facts
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
agree with
this
statement.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
I disagree with
this
. Commonly held belief that keep working even in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
age
is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
idea because even if you retire you can get money for yourself. Despite
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
incredible edges,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
you will be better if you stop working. Because I think when you get older
as well as
your family. You must
preserve
Verb problem
keep
show examples
your family from collapsing and love them. If you always will work your
parthner
Correct your spelling
partner
, children, siblings and parents want to be together. You can'
t
give them attention if you always aren'
t
at home. In spite
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
fact that you want to work in order to help
own
Correct pronoun usage
your own
show examples
family,
this
essay
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
that you shouldn'
t
working
Change the verb form
work
be working
show examples
so hard.
Furthermore
,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
in their old
age
want liberty and do their hobby in their leisure time. The all issues or problems
wouldn'
Correct your spelling
won't
t
disturb
if
Correct pronoun usage
you if
show examples
you
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do
anythink
Correct your spelling
anything
you want
finit
Correct your spelling
finish
on imagine you'll cheer. In conclusion, taking all
Correct article usage
the informations
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
mentioned previously I totally confirm that
continue
Wrong verb form
continuing
show examples
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
in an old
age
is
bad
Change the article
a bad
show examples
idea even if it is possible for some to do.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic structure, however, it lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas. It's important to organize your essay into clear paragraphs with each paragraph containing a single main idea, supported by specific examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction should more clearly outline the topic and your position on it. The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion without adding new information.
task achievement
Your argument tends to drift and often is not supported with clear examples or explanations. Aim to provide clear, relevant examples for each point made, and ensure these examples directly support your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: