IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

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Some societies think that getting an achievement is about having a lot of money and various materials. Even though, many aspects of
people
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 are honoured as successful. I ensure that there is another way to be regarded as successful. I believe that money is not always a primary indicator of
success
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.
For instance
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, a man who is liable to execute several tasks in their job can be taught as a successful
person
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, because he can handle more problems than the others.
As a result
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, other employees may considerably reward
this
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person
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 as a successful employee because he will get higher responsibility and a higher position for his outstanding performance.
Therefore
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, being serious in working can be taught as a
success
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. There is a perspective that considers
people
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 as successful
people
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.
Firstly
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, a smart
person
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 who can communicate effortlessly has a chance to become a successful
person
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. Not only by their knowledge, but they can
also
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 attract
people
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 by persuading them to hear what their idea is. In a seminar;
For example
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, the reason why
people
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 want to join a seminar is because a speaker of that event. Society believes that joining a seminar can be fruitful because they will hear about a certain knowledge brought by the speaker.
Moreover
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, they may known as rich
people
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 outside the event, but it is not the reason why
people
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 admire them. Generally;
thus
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, a clever society can be taught as a
success
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. In conclusion, the community usually determines money as an important factor of
success
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.
However
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, some successful stories were written with another event. I believe that
success
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 is about how to maintain certain liabilities both in the industrial neighbourhood and in citizen’s life. Other societies
also
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 determine achievement can be obtained by becoming a smart
person
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.

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Coherence & Cohesion
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Coherence & Cohesion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize your essay's argument and keypoints. Each should be distinct and serve their purpose within the structure of the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points with specific support, such as examples or evidence, and make sure that each main point is fully explored and relates back to the essay question.
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Task Achievement
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively, making sure they are relevant to the topic. Avoid vague statements and ensure that the reader can understand your argument without ambiguity.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples that clearly support your argument and are directly related to the essay prompt. Generic or unclear examples can detract from the strength of your essay.
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