Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.
As it is enunciated by a proportion, it is acceptable to distribute extensive information in scientific, business, and intellectual, but critics assert that some data is critical to spread out to the public.
This
essay will present a comprehensive examination of both sides of the argument, followed by my stance in subsequent paragraphs with conspicuous illustrations.
On one hand, sharing sensitive intelligence may pave the way for the burgeoning growth of technology which has been inherently embedded with the enhancement of healthcare, automotive, cooperative world, and intellectualism. As an illustration, exchanging crucial knowledge in the same industry may assist other intellectuals. Moreover
, there are infallible testimonies to claim that restricting vast amounts of data may violate the ethics of knowledge.
On the other hand
, there is a natural antagonism toward exchanging critical data since it may egregiously lead to the violation of individual rights as well as
the discrimination of individual freedom. As an illustration, any individual’s sensitive information ought to be protected by any party which may notoriously demolish their identity. Furthermore
, restrictions on critical knowledge may act as a catalyst for risk mitigation since it may conspicuously regulate unauthorized usage and lead to potential harm. Additionally
, it may pose an immense threat to the sovereignty of a country if there is a leakage of political figures.
To sum up
, a proportion asserts that spending vast amounts of crucial information may pave the way for the flourishing growth of modern technology. However
, it may dreadfully affect individual rights, individual freedom, and unauthorized usage.Submitted by Trevor Nugara on
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coherence cohesion
You have provided a basic logical structure throughout your essay, but transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to ensure the essay flows more naturally from one idea to the next. Work on creating stronger linkages between your main points and employing a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are not appropriately delineated, causing a loss in clarity concerning the opening stance and the summarization of your arguments. For higher bands, it's essential that your essay has a clear and distinct introduction, presenting the topic and your thesis statement, followed by a conclusion that effectively wraps up the discussion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task partially by presenting a discussion of both views, but it stops short of reaching a fully elaborated argument by not developing each point thoroughly. To improve, ensure that all parts of the task are completely addressed, including a clear opinion along with a more thorough explanation of the arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Each paragraph contains relevant ideas related to the task, but the depth and comprehensiveness of these ideas could be improved. To gain higher scores, expand your arguments with more detailed explanations, making sure that the logic of each point is fully expounded and comprehensible.
task achievement
The examples provided in the essay support the main points but are somewhat generic. To score higher on task response, leverage examples that are more relevant and specific to the issue at hand, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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