Nowadays, a growing number of people;e with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatment instead of vising their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #e #health #alternative #medicines #treatment #doctor #development

During

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recent years, it has been an obvious observation that

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with

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increasing

Correct article usage

the increasing

show examples

population,

people

can

buying

Wrong verb form

buy

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

medicine from

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the pharmacy

show examples

pharmacy

Fix the agreement mistake

pharmacies

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instead

of visiting a doctor. In

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

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I will articulate

this

statement and

it's

Replace the word

its

show examples

drawbacks. The foremost

disadvantages

Fix the agreement mistake

disadvantage

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Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

would be

effects

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

people

' economical.

This

is because

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apply

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they will put more and more money

to see

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into seeing

show examples

the result, I mean by

that

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

taking alternative medicine

such

as from

pharmacy

Correct article usage

a pharmacy

show examples

instead

of going hospital

as well as

a medicines

are

Verb problem

apply

show examples

from

pharmacy

Add an article

the pharmacy

a pharmacy

show examples

are costly and more expensive than hospitals.

Consequently

, individuals who visit

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

small medicines shops rather than doctors

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

spend more money because as we know medicines from pharmacies

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

higher

cost

Fix the agreement mistake

costs

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than hospitals.

As a

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

this

side might

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

effects

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

their finances. The second

garvest

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harvest

gravest

negative of taking drugs from

asmall

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small

a small

shops is it would be had

appealing

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the appealing

an appealing

show examples

impact

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show examples

Correct article usage

the citizene's

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citizene's

Correct your spelling

citizen's

citizens

health.

This

is because taking street ent without

examinan

Correct your spelling

examining

examination

what they exactly have and to take

appropriate

Add an article

the appropriate

an appropriate

show examples

remedy.

aparticular

Correct your spelling

a particular

particular

a good example here, lid

people

depend on pharmacies and they have

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apply

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serious problem health, it

Change the verb form

needs

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need

Add the particle

need to

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examine and

adirect

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direct

a direct

surgery.

However

they take painkillers it might

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

increase

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

dangerous

Replace the word

dangers

show examples

of that problem.

Thus

, because of

this

mistake

Add a comma

mistake,

show examples

people

will lose their health. In conclusion, it

seem

Change the verb form

seems

show examples

to me the

formentioned

Correct your spelling

aforementioned

statement has its main negative

such

as it would affect their finance and healthcare.

Submitted by fatima1173 on Tue Dec 12 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a logical structure and the ideas aren't clearly connected or ordered in a logical way. Paragraphs should be well-organized with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through the points made. The usage of cohesive devices such as linking words also needs improvement.

task achievement

The task response is minimally adequate. The question prompt is somewhat addressed, but the development of ideas is limited, lacking depth, and the examples provided are not fully relevant or well-explained. The essay needs a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument to fully meet the task requirements at a higher level.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
44Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

233 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, a growing number of people;e with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatment instead of vising their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, international tourism has become an important source of income. However, it also has negative effects. Do the benefits of international tourism outweigh the disadvantages?

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

In today’s world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.