IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the level of mathematics graduates and all alumni, who found a full day's line of work after moving on from a college in Australia, and in addition to the generals of both types of graduates from 2004 to 2012 Compensation shown. And think about choosing the main highlights and declaring where applicable.

The chart below shows the level of mathematics graduates and all alumni, who found a full day's line of work after moving on from a college in Australia, and in addition to the generals of both types of graduates from 2004 to 2012 Compensation shown. And think about choosing the main highlights and declaring where applicable.
#level #mathematics #graduates #alumni #line #work #college #australia #addition #generals #compensation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graphs and table illustrate the
maths
Use synonyms
 degree holders and all
graduates
Use synonyms
 were got
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 work after moving on from college
along with
Linking Words
 their average
salary
Use synonyms
 of
graduates
Use synonyms
 in Australia From 2004 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
maths
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 had the highest rate of university
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 and the average
salary
Use synonyms
 of
graduates
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
According to the
Change preposition
The
show examples
line
Add a comma
line,
show examples
 graph shows that
maths
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 had 80 per cent in 2004
than
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 two years later,
this
Linking Words
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased slightly by 90%. In 2008, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased slightly which was around 88%. From 2010 to 2012, there was diminished slightly from 81
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 80 per cent.
In addition
Linking Words
,
table
Add an article
the table
show examples
describes
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 that the
maths
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 and
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
all
graduates
Use synonyms
 had the same amount of
salary
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from 2002 to 2004 which was $41000 and $43000 respectively. In 2006
maths
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 had
salary
Use synonyms
increment
Fix the agreement mistake
increments
show examples
 by $7000
in contrast
Linking Words
, all
graduates
Use synonyms
 had
salary
Use synonyms
 reductions by $3000. Between 2008 and 2012, both
graduates
Use synonyms
 had
salary
Use synonyms
increment
Fix the agreement mistake
increments
show examples
 and end of the year they got $56000 and $ 51000 respectively.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words maths, graduates, salary with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: