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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Many museums charge admission fees while others are free. Do the advantages of charging people to visit a museum outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #fees #people #visit #museum
Admission fees
musuems
Correct your spelling
museums
 could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
have
agood
Correct your spelling
a good
impact
Change preposition
on
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
economey
Correct your spelling
economy
,
whereas
,
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
people
 think that some time its
diffcult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 for
people
 to
visist
Correct your spelling
visit
, In my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 I have
blance
Correct your spelling
balance
balanced
view and
Capitalize word
I
show examples
i
Capitalize word
I
show examples
 will
spupport
Correct your spelling
support
 my opinion in
this
 essay . As we
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
musuems
Correct your spelling
museums
 in any country
is gives
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
Correct article usage
a
show examples
picture
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 history of it,
However
, There are many countries which is her economic resource is
tourisim
Correct your spelling
tourism
 like
musumem
Correct your spelling
museum
, for
exaample
Correct your spelling
example
, Oman is one country which
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
 prices for
tourisits
Correct your spelling
tourists
,that can
improved
Change the verb form
improve
show examples
 the
tourisit
Correct your spelling
tourist
imation
Correct your spelling
imitation
.,Mrover ,
tat
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 can
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
opporunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for employers to get
agood
Correct your spelling
good
a good
 jobs in
this
 filed. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand , there are many
people
Correct pronoun usage
who says
show examples
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
show examples
 that should be free for some reasons ,The main reason is that
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
knowing
Change the verb form
to know
show examples
 more about their history ,
Althoght
Correct your spelling
although
,that can courage
people
 to
visited
Change the form of the verb
visit
show examples
the places not only the
musuems
Correct your spelling
museums
.I agree both views are very important but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 more agree with the first opinion because that
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 help many cities to grow and
improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 and help
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 be more
activie
Correct your spelling
active
. To
sump
Verb problem
say
show examples
, the advantages
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 thank are more than
Correct article usage
the disadvantage
show examples
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 admission fees in musumes .
Submitted by Loody on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay does not exhibit a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic that connects logically with the rest of the text.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are present, but they lack clarity and fail to effectively set up the essay and summarize the main points respectively. In the introduction, clearly present the topic and your main argument. In the conclusion, succinctly restate your opinion and summarize key points.
coherence cohesion
Your supporting main points lack clear, developed explanations and there is a scarcity of relevant examples. Expand on your ideas with more detailed explanations, using concrete and contextually relevant examples to illustrate your points. Always ask yourself 'why' after making a statement.
task achievement
You addressed the task indicating your opinion on museums charging admission fees but your response lacks development and clarity and does not fully cover the prompt. Ensure that your essay includes a clear, specific explanation of your position, lays out the pros and cons in a balanced manner and supports them with specific details.
task achievement
The clarity of ideas in your essay is hindered by poor grammatical structures and inappropriate word choice. To improve clarity, construct your sentences carefully, following standard English grammar rules, and choose your vocabulary deliberately, ensuring it accurately conveys your intent.
task achievement
You attempted to provide examples, but they are vague and not well elaborated. Providing specific, tangible examples will make your argument more convincing and complete. Research relevant examples which you can incorporate effectively within your essay context.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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