IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that eventually all the jobs will be done by artificial intelligence. What is your opinion?

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There is a thought that robots will take responsibility for humanity in their careers in the future.
This
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 essay partly agrees with
this
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 view. On the one hand, the advancement in artificial intelligence has changed job operations worldwide tremendously. In the past, people constantly had to do heavy work, especially in industrial factories.
Therefore
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,
this
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 leads to a huge time-wasting and human energy consumption. At present, thanks to the growth of artificial intelligence, all issues that relate to jobs that require a wide range of excessive workloads are completely solved. To cite an example, to increase productivity, an agriculture factory in Vietnam has used mechanical robots to figure out which eggs are fit for export.
On the other hand
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, it is undeniable that there are some majors that should be done by humanity. Teaching is a typical job in the educational field. In fact, some A.I apps are likely to support students in their assignments by carrying out calculations and giving results.
Nonetheless
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, they cannot teach students
as well as
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 what teachers have done. They know their kids' weaknesses and are always willing to enhance their children’s skills.
Furthermore
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, with their dedication and warm hearts, they have inspired and conveyed many valuable cores for their junior in every lesson. To show an instance, Nguyen Ngoc Ky is lively evidence in Vietnam education. He is a very well-known teacher who lost his writing ability
due to
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 a sickness that caused his hands to be unable to work when he was a child.
However
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, with tenaciousness, he still tried his best effort to write on foot.
As a result
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, he became a unique teacher and achieved zenith success in his life.
In addition
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, his students always felt full of pride and respected him. In conclusion, A.I have raised the living standards by helping people in their work, it is undoubtedly that humans still play a crucial role in majors and cannot be replaced entirely by them.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that the main points in your essay are clearly structured, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea that is not only stated but also elaborated upon with sufficient detail.
coherence cohesion
Aim for both an introduction and conclusion that mirror each other by clearly stating your position at the beginning and summarizing it at the end. This strengthens the overall argument of your essay.
coherence cohesion
While you included some relevant examples, which is positive, you should ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the main point you are trying to convey without deviation.
task achievement
Make sure to address the task directly by presenting a clear opinion on whether you believe AI will eventually do all jobs. While the essay does present a view, it should be consistently referred to throughout the essay rather than just at the beginning and end.
task achievement
Your essay should have clear, comprehensive ideas. While you do present some clear ideas, others are less developed or not fully explored. Aim to expand and examine your ideas with depth and clarity for a higher score.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points effectively. Your essay benefits from practical examples, like the one about Nguyen Ngoc Ky, which strengthens your argument. Continue to use this strategy to achieve higher marks.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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