IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many large supermarkets are being built today while the number of small shops is decreasing. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

These days an increasing number of supermarkets have been built,
whereas
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 local
shops
Use synonyms
 are becoming less popular to establish.
This
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 mainly happens
due to
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 a broad range of international and local
products
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 that are combined in one place
as well as
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 the accessibility that big
shops
Use synonyms
 provide . Even though supermarkets are convenient, I truly believe that shutting down small stores has more disadvantages than benefits, and
this
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 essay will explain why.
To begin
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, big food stores offer a variety of
products
Use synonyms
 including exclusive items from overseas.
This
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 gives people an opportunity to explore another culture
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and try international food and spices.
For example
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, in Melbourne, Coles and Woolworth
shops
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 have international sections with Thai and Japanese food
products
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,
along with
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 sauces and spices.
Moreover
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, bigger
shops
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 often present competitive prices and reward cards.
Hence
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,
this
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 will lead to
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cost of living for customers.
However
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, these
shops
Use synonyms
 do not bring unique features to the city, making it dull and unappealing. Small businesses provide the place a local character, which shapes the atmosphere and the vibe of the city.
This
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 means that small
shops
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 contribute to a local culture that attracts visitors from other cities and even countries.
For instance
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, Melbourne's north side of the city is well known for its craft
shops
Use synonyms
 with handmade candles, cards, jewellery and house decoration. Many visitors are attracted to these places because people can purchase unique items that no one
has
Rephrase
else has
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.
Additionally
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, smaller
shops
Use synonyms
 require fewer resources to operate which is more sustainable and better for the environment. In conclusion, even though bigger stores offer a one-stop shopping experience and
Use synonyms
products
Change the noun form
product
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 discounts, local
shops
Use synonyms
 bring the culture to the area, representing creative designers and green policies.
Hence
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, I believe that the small
shops
Use synonyms
 need to be promoted, keeping their popularity
as well as
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 bigger
shops
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
You should ensure that your introduction and conclusion are both clear and fully developed. The introduction presented does not explicitly state if the essay will discuss the advantages or disadvantages or both, nor does it clearly state your position which can be inferred but is not clearly mentioned. The conclusion is also somewhat underdeveloped and could more decisively state the central argument of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You must work on the clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph naturally flows from one to the next and that cohesion is maintained through the use of appropriate cohesive devices and varied sentence structures. Your essay could benefit from the use of linking words and phrases to guide the reader more smoothly from point to point.
task achievement
Make sure you provide a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument if the essay task requires you to evaluate advantages and disadvantages. While you addressed both sides, the discussion of advantages lacked depth compared to the disadvantages, which could imply a bias that may not effectively tackle the prompt's requirements.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • one-stop shopping
  • competitive prices
  • cost of living
  • local economy
  • central areas
  • streamline distribution
  • local character
  • generic supermarkets
  • environmental impact
  • waste and pollution
  • monopoly risks
  • consumer choice
  • personal service
  • social interactions
  • community members
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