IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #malls
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In today’s society, a significant number of young individuals allocate their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 to shopping
malls
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. Many
people
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 consider a positive impact
such
Linking Words
 as
offer
Wrong verb form
offering
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 more entertainment and social opportunities. But
this
Linking Words
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 me
raises
Verb problem
apply
show examples
totally agree about its potential negative impacts on youth. Frequent visits to
malls
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 not only can lead to financial challenges for young
people
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 but
also
Linking Words
limiting
Wrong verb form
limit
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time
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 to build
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal growth and development. First and foremost, frequent visits to
malls
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 often encourage impulsive spending among the
youth
Correct your spelling
young
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people
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. With numerous tempting offers and advertisements, young
people
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 may fall into the trap of unnecessary things to purchases, leading to impulsive buying can impact
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financial strain and poor money management skills.
This
Linking Words
 habit could potentially escalate into long-term issues, affecting their financial stability later in life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, prolonged stays at
malls
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 might limit genuine personal growth and development.
Instead
Linking Words
 of engaging in
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 more knowledge
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 attending workshops to encourage their minds and skills or
surround
Wrong verb form
surrounding
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 their-self to build good relationships with supportive and positive
people
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, young individuals could be sedentary, leading to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more inactive self-development.
This
Linking Words
 lack of self-development activity
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can contribute to
reach
Change the verb form
reaching
show examples
 more big
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 in their life. Weighing up both sides of the argument, the excessive
time
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 spent in these spaces can negatively impact young
people
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. Spending an abundance of free
time
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 there not only can lead to financial stability and
bad
Correct word choice
poor
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 money management skills but
also
Linking Words
define
Correct subject-verb agreement
defines
show examples
 to
pursue
Replace the word
pursuit
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 personal growth and development.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure the introduction clearly states your position in regards to the question and that a conclusion is present summarising the main points and restating your position. Care should be taken to structure these critical sections effectively for better coherence.
Logical Structure
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more effectively. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, followed by supporting sentences that are directly linked to the topic under discussion. Transition between paragraphs smoothly by using appropriate linking words.
Supported Main Points
Main points should be developed with specific and relevant examples that are fully elaborated. Use these examples to strengthen your argument and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
Complete Response
To achieve a higher score in Task Achievement, you need to intricately address each part of the prompt and maintain a consistent position throughout the response. Ensure you elaborate fully on your ideas and include a more varied range of examples.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify and flesh out your ideas to improve the comprehensiveness of your essay. Avoid ambiguity, and make sure each paragraph has a clear central theme that is explored in detail.
Relevant and Specific Examples

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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