IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Traffic congestion is a worldwide problem for urban populations. What are some of the causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to address it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is clear that
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 traffic jams are a crucial problem in the world for people who live in urban areas.
Although
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 some governments make an effort to improve the problems, I believe that the main cause is intensive immigration to urban areas. As the measures, it is essential to reduce the number of office workers commuting in rush hour.
Firstly
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, as a part of the current trend in the world, working generations seek time efficiency and move to the developed city.
Additionally
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, all of the things are concentrated in one point of the cities,
such
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 as complex facilities and headquarters offices.
As a result
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, everyone uses a car to hang out with friends or family or to get to offices located in the central city and traffic jams happen during the rush hours in the urban district. Focusing on the measures to solve the issues, some companies should introduce remote working to avoid rush hours.
For example
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, in Japan, some companies encourage employees to live in rural areas by working from home where they want to live.
While
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 they have to go to the workplace in the city once a month, they can avoid using the car for normal commuting
while
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 making time efficient.
As a result
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, the company can contribute to solving the issue. In conclusion, the traffic issue is caused by the concentration of living in the development district. The approach to solving it is promoting
of
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apply
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living in the countryside by working from home.
While
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 it might be difficult to shift to rural places for urban dwellers, they can change to a new working lifestyle with cutting-edge technology. I believe
this
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 measure could improve the matter most easily and exactly.

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Sentence Variety
Try to diversify your sentence structures to enhance readability and interest.
Supporting Evidence
Consider including more specific examples and data to support your claims, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.
Transitions
Using transition words more effectively can improve the flow between your ideas, making your essay more coherent.
Topic Understanding
You have clearly identified a significant cause of traffic congestion and provided a thoughtful potential solution, showing a good understanding of the issue.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion were both clear and effectively framed the essay's content.
Real-world Examples
You've provided relevant examples from your knowledge, such as the situation in Japan, which helps to ground your argument in real-world contexts.
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