IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write about the following topic : Some people think that it’s a good to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#topic #people #it’s #socialise #work #colleagues #evenings #weekends #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
 some people are comfortable
to socialize
Verb problem
socialising
show examples
 with their
colleagues
Use synonyms
 from
work
Use synonyms
 outside office
hours
Use synonyms
, some others believe that it is not necessary and choose to keep their professional and social lives separated.
Although
Linking Words
 it is based on one's preference, I personally believe that both views come with their own advantages which will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. Keeping a good interpersonal relationship with
work
Use synonyms
colleagues
Use synonyms
 could
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a good impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 us at some points. We would easily get connected with others who
work
Use synonyms
 in the same place and deal with the same goals and problems as us, resulting in giving us comfort
to talk
Change preposition
in talking
show examples
 to each other. We might
also
Linking Words
 enjoy the feeling of a brief relaxation through sharing
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 with our
colleagues
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 hanging out outside office
hours
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having a cup of coffee together on the weekend or grabbing a quick dinner after
work
Use synonyms
 with them may
also
Linking Words
 help us to relieve stress from
work
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is not
wholefuly
Correct your spelling
wholly
wholely
 a bad decision to keep our working and personal lives
separated
Change the form of the verb
separate
show examples
. In my opinion, by adapting to
this
Linking Words
 view, we will be freed from any
work
Use synonyms
-related stuff that might be stressing us out for at least several
hours
Use synonyms
 per day. Cutting connection with our
colleagues
Use synonyms
 after working
hours
Use synonyms
 are finished will
also
Linking Words
 allow us to completely enjoy some times being ourselves as an individual, not as a worker. In conclusion, it is completely free for every individual to choose which principle they would like to
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
. These two lifestyles are not binary options.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is just fine for everyone to apply both views at the same time to their lives.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, it would benefit from a stronger thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt and gives an indication of the writer's opinion early in the essay.
Task Response
Although the essay reflects an attempt to discuss both views, the treatment of the second view is somewhat superficial, lacking in depth and specific examples which would enhance the overall persuasiveness of the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To increase coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are fluid and contribute to the overall progression of the argument. Include more cohesive devices to effectively link ideas and arguments together.
Supporting Examples
Arguments would be further strengthened by the inclusion of specific, relevant examples, particularly in the paragraph discussing the benefits of separating work and social life. Real-world examples or hypothetical situations could make the point more salient.
Task Response & Opinion
It is important that the writer's opinion is presented in a well-rounded manner and is supported by a balanced argument with clear justifications throughout the essay, especially in the conclusion, to firmly establish the writer's stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: