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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep course? What can be done about lack of sleep?

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In
this
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 modern era, stress from work or study is a major reason for
cause
Correct word choice
apply
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many people to deal with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of sleep.
This
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 essay will
therefore
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 narrow down the consequences of insomniac and its preventative measures and treatments.
To begin
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 with, people who suffer from sleepless nights usually show tiredness and lack of energy in their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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. Its outward symptoms are dark circles, hair falling out, and a weary appearance. Regarding their
health
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, restlessness can cause both minor and major
health
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 issues. In the short term, victims of insomniac disorder will have a weaker immune system
due to
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 restlessness. In the long term, they will show symptoms of general
health
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 problems
such
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 as heart, brain, and even skin diseases.
Furthermore
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, if not treated right away,
this
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 sickness can turn into a major illness like cancer and seizures.
In addition
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,
this
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 sleeping disorder can tremendously damage a person's mentality.
For instance
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, causing them to become more grumpy and less patient. Luckily, some ways can be implemented to treat
this
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 syndrome.
Firstly
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, turning off cell phones an hour before lying down in bed can significantly improve sleep quality. In clarification, blue lights from technology can be a reason for sleepless nights as humans can become addicted to them.
Secondly
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, changing bedsheets can
also
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 assist in getting a better rest.
Last
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 but not least, if dealing with anxiety and other mental
health
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 problems, patients can listen to meditative music to calm their minds before sleeping.
To sum up
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, many factors lead to insomnia, which can seriously impact a person's
health
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 and mentality in various ways. Fortunately, of the three listed above, many other methods can
also
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 be used to prevent and treat
this
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 disorder.
However
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, the three mentioned were proven to remarkably improve sleep quality.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central theme that is expanded upon with supporting details. Avoid vague statements and reinforce each main point with examples or further explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your writing with a logical flow using clear topic sentences and cohesive devices. This maintains a strong connection between your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph should be well-developed and focused on a specific aspect of the topic. Include examples and evidence where appropriate to support your arguments.
task response
Address all parts of the task to achieve a high score in task achievement. Make sure you respond to all aspects of the prompt fully and develop your ideas appropriately.
task response
Enhance your response by ensuring that your ideas are fully developed and explained. Clear and comprehensive ideas make your argument more persuasive and are essential for a higher score in task response.
task response
Use specific examples and details to support your points. This adds weight to your arguments and shows that you can think critically about the topic.
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