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Band 6.5

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#celebrities #money #politicians #development
In the present time, a large number of
people
 claim that famous
people
 receive more income than
politicians
 .
This
 essay will discuss the reasons for
this
 status and showcase whether it is a positive or negative development.
To begin
 with the reasons, the entertainment industry is one of the wealthiest businesses because of the huge support from
people
 all around the world. it doesn't matter where you are, since you have internet access you can easily get into a streaming platform
such
 as Netflix or YouTube or any similar platform and enjoy watching your favourite shows, and
as a result
, those companies earn more
money
 from your views.
For instance
, almost every single person recognises the name “Leo Messi” or “Will Smith” , two worldwide famous superstars.
whereas
 pupils who work in politics are only known in their countries.
In addition
, famous are able to obtain income in several approaches.
For example
, famous
people
 receive a large amount of
money
 from a single advertisement or representing a company.
However
, I personally believe that the situation in which celebrities earn more
money
 than
politicians
 is negative, as high wages are one of the methods to encourage individuals to work for the public.
Therefore
, if the government does not solve
this
 issue,
politicians
 could go for illegal ways to gain more wealth
such
 as
money
 laundering. as far as I am concerned, in terms of the development of the countries, the governments should pay higher salaries to individuals who work in politics filled decrease the rate of resignation of present
politicians
.
Submitted by asoom on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure; ideas do not flow smoothly and lack logical sequencing. Make sure paragraphs are well-organized with clear topic sentences that introduce the paragraph's main idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
There is an attempt at an introduction and conclusion, but they are not well-developed. Ensure the introduction clearly sets up the topic and your stance, while the conclusion effectively summarizes your points and restates your opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are mentioned but not developed with sufficient detail. Expand on your ideas by providing more in-depth explanations and a wider range of examples.
Task Achievement
While the response addresses the task, it is incomplete. Expansion on main points and a more thorough analysis of the reasons for the phenomenon and its implications would improve completeness.
Task Achievement
Ideas presented are not comprehensive and need further development. Enhance clarity by fully elaborating on points and providing necessary explanations to strengthen the argument.
Task Achievement
The essay includes examples, but they are not fully relevant or specific enough. Use precise and directly relevant examples to back your points and demonstrate your argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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