Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

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Opinions diverge regarding the negative effects of

violence

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in mass

media

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and video games on public welfare and safety.

While

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it is apparent that these mediums can have harmful influences on aggressive behaviour, I contend that there are other factors at play in

this

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issue. There is no denying that people are exposed to a lot of

violence

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in entertainment.

This

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exposure might lead individuals to consider

such

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actions normal and potentially become desensitized to the extent of disconnecting from reality, even resorting to real-life

violence

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For example

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, in Vietnam, a teenage male addicted to a shooting game assaulted his grandmother, imitating the in-game character.

Moreover

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, excessive exposure to violent content can hinder a child's emotional and psychological development, affecting their ability to empathize or understand the consequences of their actions.

However

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, other factors should be considered regarding the increase in aggressive behaviour.

Firstly

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, violent

media

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may not be the sole cause but rather one of several contributing factors

along with

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environment, personal experiences, and mental health issues. Research indicates that mentally unstable individuals or those who grew up in areas with high crime rates are more likely to commit violent actions.

Secondly

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instead

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of reducing violent

media

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, more stringent regulations can be enacted. Clearly,

this

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content is intended for adults who can distinguish between fiction and reality. Efforts should focus on preventing

violence

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from reaching immature audiences.

Finally

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, addressing

this

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issue by mitigating real-life

violence

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would be more prudent. Movies and video games largely depict societal norms, including

violence

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, and are not the primary cause of

such

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behaviour. In terms of preserving public safety and well-being, society should prioritize improving education and deterring crimes. In conclusion, I believe that society should prioritize educating people and preventing aggressive acts rather than solely condemning the

media

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and video games.

anhpham.712688Wed May 29 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and introduce seamless transitions between them to enhance coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

Keep sentences concise and avoid redundancy to improve clarity of the ideas expressed.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, effectively framing the essay.

task achievement

You have provided relevant examples, such as the case in Vietnam, to support your arguments effectively.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

298 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

desensitize
aggressive behavior
emotional and psychological development
impair
empathy
contributing factor
distinction
fiction and reality
mature audiences
reflective
prevalence
societal issues

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