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Band 4.5

Information technology has significantly transformed our lives in recent years. In your opinion, what is the greatest benefit of information technology? Consider also the disadvantages that the development of this technology may bring about.

#information #technology #lives #years #benefit #development
Nowadays,
due to
 the high level of
information
technology
, many aspects of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
have
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 continuously experienced a notable alteration. Many think that’s positive
while
 others have
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
an opposite
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 opinion that it’s negative. From my point of view, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and
this
 essay will discuss both pros and cons of
this
 argument. On the one hand, there are various positive effects of
information
technology
 on human daily lives.
Firstly
, the hugest benefit is that it helps
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 stay connected. A few decades ago the only way to communicate with persons who were far away was through postal letters, but up to now the invention of phones,
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 and several social platforms made it extremely simple to keep in touch with family members,
friends
 and many other relationships.
Secondly
, individuals are completely enable to carry out daily activities
at
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apply
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anywhere.
For instance
, the GenZ, who prefer working from home rather than going to work in their offices, are in the habit of ordering clothes and meals with a click, there is more time left to spend
with
Change preposition
on
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 activities that are really useful or pleasant, not on the traffic.
Besides
 phones and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, robots are
also
 a good example in
this
 case. In
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
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,
for instance
, there is
aim
Correct article usage
an aim
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 to create robots that can do
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tasks similar to an average human
such
 as
:
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apply
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 doing household chores,
cooking
Correct word choice
and cooking
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 ,… and
also
 act in more sophisticated situations
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 firefighters, astronauts or medical assistants.
On the other hand
,
information
technology
also
 brings out several drawbacks.
To begin
 with, it’s a worrying fact that it reduces social interaction and impairs communication skills. In recent years, youngsters’ conversations normally take place through messaging platforms and on social media (Facebook, Messenger, Telegram,)
According to
 surveys, 39% of respondents stated feeling closer to their
friends
due to
 social media,
while
 26% of the sample felt that they had more
friends
due to
 social media. The short-term result of
this
 is that communication skills are in decline,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 longer-term implications will create wider social trends.
Moreover
, another negative aspect of
information
technology
 is that it lessens physical activities. Nowadays citizens hardly go outside because they are busy playing computer games, watching Netflix,
YouTube
Correct word choice
and YouTube
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,
chatting
Correct word choice
and chatting
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 with
friends
 on
messenger
Capitalize word
Messenger
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, these habits put individuals at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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risk of being overweight and becoming attracted to diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure and heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
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. All in all,
information
technology
 has both upsides and downsides. Considering all the above points, I strongly believe that the benefits of it outweigh its drawbacks
Submitted by tuantinhtuong0000 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed logically. Transitions between ideas can be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents both benefits and disadvantages in a structured manner. However, some points require further development with more detailed examples to fully meet the response criteria.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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