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Band 2.5

Technology is becoming progressively universal.In the future of time,classroom teachers will be totally substituted for technology. Do you agree or disagree?

#technology #future #time #classroom #teachers
The advancement of technology in
this
 modern era has rapidly
grow
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grown
show examples
. Some even said that in the next few years, technology will substitute the existence of
teahcers
Correct your spelling
teachers
 for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
robot
teachers
. I fully disagree with the statement and I will provide the reasons in
this
 essay down below.
To begin
 with,
teachers
 are considered as
a second parents
Correct the article-noun agreement
a second parent
second parents
show examples
 at school. They have an
immeasureable
Correct your spelling
immeasurable
 amount of patience
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their student when they teach them, especially for students who
seems
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seem
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 to be a rebel. Those students need
teachers
 who
has
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have
show examples
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 emotional side to control them,
while
 robotic
teachers
 will not have the same emotion as
human's
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humans
human
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. The other
reasons
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reason
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 why they can not be replaced by robots is because it will affect the
economy
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economic
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 growth
in
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of
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 the country.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 is because
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the job opportunities for
teachers
 will be decreased since their
job
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jobs
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 will
be replace
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be replaced
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 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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robots.
Education
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The education
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 industry might be the least sector that
includes
Wrong verb form
is included
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 in the country's
earning
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earnings
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. If there will not be
the
Correct article usage
apply
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job opportunities for them, the growth of
economy
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the economy
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 will be worse.
To conclude
, the role of
teachers
 can not be replaced by technology,
besides
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that
Add a comma
that,
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 they do not have emotion,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 economy industry will be affected as well.
Submitted by almirarhaseshaa on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure in the presentation of ideas, which makes the progression of the essay difficult to follow. It's essential to organize the content into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea with appropriate supporting details.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and a conclusion are present, but they require improved clarity and better articulation of the overall argument. The thesis statement needs to be more explicit in outlining the essay’s stance.
coherence cohesion
Supporting main points should be developed with more detailed explanations and richer evidence. The use of specific examples can help illustrate your arguments more convincingly.
task achievement
Ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task. The essay's argument partially agrees with the statement, but a stronger position could be taken with more conviction.
task achievement
Develop ideas more comprehensively by expanding on the points made. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and demonstrate how it relates to the essay's overall argument.
task achievement
The inclusion of relevant, specific examples is essential for a high score in task achievement. The examples provided are too general and lack the specificity needed to substantiate the arguments made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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