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Writing Samples /
Band 1

Tourism generates revenue therefore it should be promoted discuss the statement and give solutions .

#tourism #revenue
By improving vacation
spot
Fix the agreement mistake
spots
show examples
 and
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, we can get many income from
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Nowadays there many
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
show examples
 we can use to encourage
audience
Correct article usage
an audience
show examples
 like
post
Wrong verb form
posting
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
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 Instagram or Facebook,
according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 flexible and cheap way. Even if we pay for book ads on that platform
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
including the tax and the operation fee, the income will be greater than the outcome. But, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
 if we have
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
promote
Replace the word
promotion
show examples
 system. We need an approach that our promotion
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 effective and efficient so
scrum
Capitalize word
Scrum
show examples
 will come to our destination. It is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad news if we can not
optimalization
Correct your spelling
optimization
 our promotion, not only money
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
we do not get,
we
Correct word choice
but we
show examples
also
wasting
Wrong verb form
waste
show examples
 our time and energy.
Submitted by skripsiandinu on

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coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure with well-organized paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and subsequent sentences should develop that idea further. Transitions and linking words should be used appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs. Your essay lacked a clear introduction and conclusion, which are vital for framing your argument and summarizing your points. Work on creating distinct sections within your essay and ensuring that ideas flow smoothly from one to the other.
task achievement
In terms of task response, it is important to provide a full and direct answer to the question prompt. Your essay should include a clear thesis statement, developed arguments, examples that are directly related to the arguments, and a concluding statement that summarizes your position or provides a final thought on the topic. Ensure to address all parts of the prompt, including the discussion of the statement and providing possible solutions. Your essay only partially addressed the task, and the examples provided were not entirely relevant, which made it seem underdeveloped.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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