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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #study #subjects #school
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The topic of which
subjects
 offspring should learn at school is controversial.
While
 some argue that
children
 ought to study all fields, others believe they should focus solely on lessons they excel at or are interested in.
This
 essay aims to analyze both perspectives and explain why I support the former. On one hand, I agree with proponents of the first view as every subject is important during
children
's schooling stage.
Firstly
, being educated in all
subjects
 at school provides adolescents with a broad knowledge base across multiple domains.
Moreover
, it contributes to their interpersonal development, resulting in collective improvement and a high level of adaptation and flexibility.
For example
, studying Mathematics not only equips learners with practical calculation skills but
also
 enhances critical thinking abilities.
Secondly
, all
subjects
 are interconnected, meaning that students must complete certain areas before being eligible to learn others.
On the other hand
, supporters of the latter idea argue that there is no need for
children
 to have knowledge in all areas, as focusing on their
favorite
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subjects
 can be beneficial.
This
 means that engaging in lessons that
children
 excel at or find interesting helps them stay motivated, leading to a willingness to actively learn and explore their areas of interest.
As a result
, they can achieve better academic performance and contribute to a more productive workforce with specialized employees. In conclusion,
although
 there are benefits to focusing on
subjects
 of personal interest, I firmly believe that if
children
 are educated in all necessary fields, they will have more opportunities for comprehensive development.
Submitted by nguyenmysam722001 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a more cohesive structure by utilizing a wider range of cohesive devices and improving paragraph transitions.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, although they could be further refined to better anticipate and summarize the essay's main points.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more detailed and varied examples to strengthen the arguments.
task achievement
Your essay responded to the task adequately, but ensure that you address all parts of the prompt in-depth, including your own opinion.
task achievement
Ideas presented are generally clear, but try to enhance them by providing more in-depth analysis and explanation.
task achievement
Include more specific and relevant examples to substantiate the points made and to demonstrate a wider knowledge on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • discover their interests and strengths
  • basic understanding
  • interconnected world
  • higher motivation
  • deeper knowledge
  • mental health
  • reducing unnecessary stress
  • boredom
  • balanced approach
  • successful specialization
  • well-informed perspective
  • solid general education
  • freedom to delve deeper
  • specialized future career path
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