IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The internet isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#internet #people #socialise
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Widspread
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Widespread
 use of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 has raised some concerns that it might make
people
Use synonyms
 disocialised. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because of the
availablity
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availability
 of social
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medias
Correct your spelling
media
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 and the possibility of having
comunication
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communication
 via
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Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 all around the world. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss my viewpoint in
details
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detail
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.
Initially
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, social
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Fix the agreement mistake
media
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medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
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 have tremendously helped
people
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 to be in touch with
eachothers
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each other
 more than ever before.
By
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With
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 the help of some platforms like Instagram or Facebook, communications are not limited to specific hours of the day as
people
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 can talk to
eachothers
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each other
 or share their matters online at any time they want. Imagine a world without the
internet
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,
for instance
Linking Words
, when
people
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 were so busy with their
evryday's
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everyday
everyday's
 tasks, and they were obliged to see their family and friends just face-to-face, they would not get the chance of having any contact with them for numerous days. So, not only is
not
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apply
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the
internet
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 a
distructive
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destructive
 phenomenon for socialisation, but it has actually provided many benefits in
this
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 regard.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the advent of
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Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 has made
a
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apply
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world-wide
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worldwide
show examples
 communication possible. Before the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 and social
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medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
, our
conection
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connection
 with other
people
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 was
limmited
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limited
 only to those who lived around us;
however
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, today, we can easily communicate with
people
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 from different nations through the
internet
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.
For instance
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, there are scientists who work
togather
Correct your spelling
together
 from long distances by means of the
internet
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,
then
Linking Words
 they publish the results of their work on the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
,
consequently
Linking Words
, many others will be able to read their articles and even contact them whenever they want. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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 has widely helped
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social interactions
by
Change preposition
through
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 social
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medias
Correct your spelling
media
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 and
providing
Wrong verb form
provided
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 a global
conection
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connection
 system for humans.
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Although
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However
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, we can expect some changes
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to happend
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happend
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happened
happen
 to the way of socialisation and communication as
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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developes
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develops
developers
.
Submitted by greatsoloist on

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structure
The overall logical structure requires significant attention. Your paragraphs should be more clearly focused, each encompassing a single main idea with sentences that logically connect to each other and the main topic. Transition words and phrases can guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next. Additionally, check that your conclusion reaffirms your main points and reflects the introduction, contributing to a sense of closure for the reader.
coherence
To improve coherence, ensure that your introduction sets a clear framework for the essay that is followed consistently throughout. Each subsequent paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly relates to the prompt and is supported by the following sentences. The conclusion should sum up your argument coherently, mirroring the introduction and the rest of the essay. Pay attention to paragraphing and the logical flow of ideas.
task response
You did address the task and developed ideas that are relevant to the prompt; however, the response would benefit from the clearer definition and support of these ideas. It would be advantageous to provide more concrete and varied examples that directly support your argument. Ensure that each paragraph focuses tightly on one main idea that is specific, relevant, and well-explained. This specificity will enhance the strength of your argument and the clarity of your ideas.
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