IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The internet isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#internet #people #socialise
Widspread
Correct your spelling
Widespread
 use of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has raised some concerns that it might make
people
 disocialised. I totally disagree with
this
 statement because of the
availablity
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availability
 of social
medias
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media
show examples
 and the possibility of having
comunication
Correct your spelling
communication
 via
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 all around the world. In
this
 essay, I will discuss my viewpoint in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
.
Initially
, social
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
 have tremendously helped
people
 to be in touch with
eachothers
Correct your spelling
each other
 more than ever before.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
 the help of some platforms like Instagram or Facebook, communications are not limited to specific hours of the day as
people
 can talk to
eachothers
Correct your spelling
each other
 or share their matters online at any time they want. Imagine a world without the
internet
,
for instance
, when
people
 were so busy with their
evryday's
Correct your spelling
everyday
everyday's
 tasks, and they were obliged to see their family and friends just face-to-face, they would not get the chance of having any contact with them for numerous days. So, not only is
not
Rephrase
apply
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the
internet
 a
distructive
Correct your spelling
destructive
 phenomenon for socialisation, but it has actually provided many benefits in
this
 regard.
Secondly
, the advent of
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 has made
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
world-wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 communication possible. Before the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 and social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
, our
conection
Correct your spelling
connection
 with other
people
 was
limmited
Correct your spelling
limited
 only to those who lived around us;
however
, today, we can easily communicate with
people
 from different nations through the
internet
.
For instance
, there are scientists who work
togather
Correct your spelling
together
 from long distances by means of the
internet
,
then
 they publish the results of their work on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
,
consequently
, many others will be able to read their articles and even contact them whenever they want. In conclusion,
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 has widely helped
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social interactions
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 and
providing
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
 a global
conection
Correct your spelling
connection
 system for humans.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, we can expect some changes
Fix the infinitive
to happend
show examples
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happen
 to the way of socialisation and communication as
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
developes
Correct your spelling
develops
developers
.
Submitted by greatsoloist on

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structure
The overall logical structure requires significant attention. Your paragraphs should be more clearly focused, each encompassing a single main idea with sentences that logically connect to each other and the main topic. Transition words and phrases can guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next. Additionally, check that your conclusion reaffirms your main points and reflects the introduction, contributing to a sense of closure for the reader.
coherence
To improve coherence, ensure that your introduction sets a clear framework for the essay that is followed consistently throughout. Each subsequent paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly relates to the prompt and is supported by the following sentences. The conclusion should sum up your argument coherently, mirroring the introduction and the rest of the essay. Pay attention to paragraphing and the logical flow of ideas.
task response
You did address the task and developed ideas that are relevant to the prompt; however, the response would benefit from the clearer definition and support of these ideas. It would be advantageous to provide more concrete and varied examples that directly support your argument. Ensure that each paragraph focuses tightly on one main idea that is specific, relevant, and well-explained. This specificity will enhance the strength of your argument and the clarity of your ideas.
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