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Writing Samples
Band 6

Do advantages of the Internet outweigh its disadvantages ?[423]

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Information
technology
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 has fantastically come over as a breath of fresh air in
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people
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’s lives. It cannot be denied that the benefits IT brings about are so wondrous. Yet I still firmly believe that the drawbacks of
technology
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 outweigh the positives of it. I will provide relevant reasoning and evidence to support my stance. On the one hand, there are second pros to the appearance of
technology
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. First and foremost,
technology
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 gives a chance to highly improved communication. In the world of business and education, video conferencing has enabled
people
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 to exchange ideas despite geographical boundaries.
Besides
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, for
people
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 who are physically disabled or simply too busy, online shopping is a much more convenient and cheaper option.
Secondly
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, information
technology
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 has markedly created higher productivity. With the development of many modern machines and systems ,
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people
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’s jobs are becoming much easier.
For instance
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, there are
such
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 calculating systems helping
people
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 calculate data faster and machines help
people
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 solve dangerous and labor work.
This
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 not only improves the efficiency but
also
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 saves time for other tasks.
On the other hand
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, the development of IT leads to several negative aspects as follows.
Firstly
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, modern
technology
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 deprives
people
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 of job opportunities. It is common now to see almost all production lines in factories are controlled by
technology
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 and systems.
This
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 situation results in
the
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apply
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alarmingly increased unemployment among humans as the need for real
people
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 in these jobs
are
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is
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 sadly taken for granted.
Secondly
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,
people
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 using
technology
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 have to face security issues. There are more and more computer hackers who can plagiarize
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people
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’s production and spoil data on the Internet. They can post a variety of irrelevant information on the Internet without verification, which leads to
people
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 being mistaken, especially silver surfers and children.
Finally
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, excessive use of the Internet can trigger
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people
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’s over-reliance and health issues. When solving a problem becomes easier with intelligent
technology
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, it is more difficult to assess one’s competence.
People
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 spending too much time on
technology
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 will
also
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 easily forget to take care of themselves
and
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which
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lead
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leads
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 to several diseases
such
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 as eye issues, addiction and insomnia. All things considered, IT brings about a lot of advantageous changes to
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people
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’s lives.
However
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, there are still some negatives that
people
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 must be aware of when using it.

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task achievement
Expand on examples. While your examples are relevant, providing more specific details or case studies could make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Consider rephrasing the introduction. Although the introduction is clear, it may be improved by presenting a more balanced viewpoint initially before stating your stance.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next to improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Strong and clear stance. Your viewpoint is clear and maintained throughout the essay, which strengthens your arguments.
task achievement
Effective use of examples. You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure. Your essay follows a logical structure, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized
  • instantaneous communication
  • social media platforms
  • virtual meetings
  • e-commerce
  • global marketplaces
  • streaming services
  • online gaming
  • content creation
  • remote working
  • cyberbullying
  • internet addiction
  • access to information
  • professional development
  • privacy concerns
  • educational resources
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