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Band 2

Laminsome feels that individuals should try assimilate compeletly to the country where they live while others feel it is more important to preserve their native culture. Discuss both sides and give you opinion.

#laminsome #individuals #country #culture
People have different views about some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 see that it is more crucial to save their native culture and
laminsome
Correct your spelling
some
 say that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should
try
Add the particle
try to
show examples
 assimilate unmitigatedly with their
relative
Fix the agreement mistake
relatives
show examples
. I believe that the
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
 of
laminsome
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is very significant . There are
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of reasons why
laminsome
Change the capitalization
Laminsome
show examples
believe that
every
Change preposition
in every
show examples
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 people should be cordial
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
others individual
Fix the agreement mistake
other individuals
show examples
 and when they will do
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
accept their friends, cousins and relative,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 will be
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in relationship.
Firstly
, if they have invited their colleague, they can increase a good friendship.
Secondly
, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
People go to another country, they face various
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and it is time the standing individual can assist
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their cousin properly.
For instance
, in
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
 men go to another country and
firstly
 they do not
khow
Correct your spelling
know
 how to dwelling
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 place,
therefore
 they
nobody
Add a missing verb
have nobody
show examples
 living
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 place,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 find
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
help from
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
.
Finally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
laminsome
 has mentioned every
men
Fix the agreement mistake
man
show examples
 &
Correct word choice
and women
show examples
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
 should be taken to love and aid their relative.
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand, native culture is very significant because it providing by them history ,power, politics and
others
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
so on.Unless any country
Correct your spelling
exist
exis
Correct your spelling
exists
Submitted by zakirahmed23890 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure, with a confusing introduction and no conclusion. Ideas should be presented in a logical sequence with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay does not stay on topic and drifts away from the prompt provided. It fails to adequately discuss both viewpoints or provide a clear opinion as per the requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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