IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Employees sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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During the recruitment process, employers commonly request personal
information
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 from job applicants, including their hobbies, marital status, and interests. Some believe that
such
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information
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 can be beneficial and relevant,
while
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 others hold a contrasting opinion.
This
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 essay will explore the advantages of obtaining personal details and
also
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 consider the opposing viewpoint. Evidently, when an organization is privy to additional
information
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 about candidates,
such
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 as their fluency in a foreign language or their pursuit of higher education, it enables management to steer employees in the right direction.
This
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 knowledge aids leaders inappropriately assigning team roles that align with each individual’s skill set.
Moreover
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, foreknowledge of these skills facilitates engagement in various training programs, learning opportunities, and corporate social responsibility endeavours,
such
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 as charitable initiatives.
For instance
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, companies like HCL encourage the employment of spouses within the same organization and even offer incentives for
such
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 arrangements.
Conversely
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, some individuals argue that collecting
information
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 beyond educational and professional experiences is irrelevant. One prominent reason is the concern that
such
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 details could influence the recruitment process. Research indicates that in certain organizations, bias may arise if
information
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 about a candidate’s ethnicity is disclosed.
Furthermore
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, depending on a company’s culture,
this
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 knowledge may impact an employee’s prospects for promotion. Another noteworthy concern is the potential intrusion upon an individual’s privacy. In conclusion, gathering personal
information
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 about employees can yield manifold benefits for both the employer and the employee, fostering
overall
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 growth.
This
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 practice proves advantageous as long as companies refrain from making judgments based solely on
this
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information
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.

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relevant specific examples
Consider expanding on specific examples to illustrate the points more vividly, which can strengthen the argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure each paragraph is tightly focused on the main points to maintain clarity and direction throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces and concludes the topic effectively, providing a comprehensive overview and summary.
logical structure
The logical structure is evident, with a clear distinction between the two viewpoints and a personal opinion.
complete response
The essay addresses the task completely, discussing both views and providing a personal opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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