IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
 in some countries, there are
laws
Use synonyms
 that forbid drinking
alcohol
Use synonyms
 until a certain age for children, others believe not having strict rules is a better approach.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I completely believe that formal
laws
Use synonyms
 can be key to
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
 the process. On one hand, some nations are introducing strict rules to reduce
alcohol
Use synonyms
 consumption among youngsters. There are some benefits of these measurements.
For example
Linking Words
, having
such
Linking Words
laws
Use synonyms
 will stop individuals from being addicted to alcoholic drinking.
As a result
Linking Words
, it will lead to a healthier lifestyle.
In addition
Linking Words
, around the world, thousands of people are dying because of accidents caused by
spirituous
Correct word choice
drunk
show examples
 drinking. These rules prompt to decline
car
Change preposition
in car
show examples
 accidents, which are committed by drunk ones.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a number of governments prefer the absence of strict regulations. In
such
Linking Words
 countries, family and society mainly play a significant role in educating children correctly rather than formal
laws
Use synonyms
. Because a man who has received
proper
Correct article usage
a proper
show examples
 upbringing in their family doesn't need special outside influences to know what is wrong or what is right.
That is
Linking Words
 why many people propose to abandon these
laws
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, removing the regulations can
cause to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reduce the appeal of
alcohol
Use synonyms
 as
forbidden
Correct article usage
a forbidden
show examples
 activity, which often leads to spreading drinking widely among youth. In conclusion, both approaches have benefits and drawbacks that aim to wipe out drinking from society. In my opinion, hard regulations are more effective in preventing
alcohol
Use synonyms
 addiction among people, and the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 outweigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Some sentences could be clearer, especially in addressing why some countries avoid strict laws. Clarifying these points with more specific examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied transitional phrases to enhance flow between arguments and examples. This can improve the readability and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is crucial in addressing the task fully.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, ensuring clarity of your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal drinking age
  • Underage drinking
  • Health repercussions
  • Addiction
  • Drunk-driving
  • Responsible drinking
  • Forbidden fruit
  • Social rituals
  • Public health
  • Safety framework
  • Risks of alcohol
  • Cultural differences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: