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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that the purpose of zoos is only to entertain people. Do you agree or disagree?

Zoos
Use synonyms
 are primarily used for entertaining individuals,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 there is an ongoing debate that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are only used to entertain and there is no other significance. I strongly disagree with the statement, and the reasons are as follows.
To begin
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 with, there is no doubt that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are to entertain people as they have numerous
species
Use synonyms
 displayed for the visitors. People around the world come to see these rare birds and animals, their history and their lifestyle. Many
of
Change preposition
apply
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different
zoos
Use synonyms
 are equipped with different
species
Use synonyms
 which are not found in other
zoos
Use synonyms
, which becomes the attraction point for the visitors to explore the
species
Use synonyms
 they have never seen.
On the other hand
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, apart from entertainment, they
also
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 provide immense information related to the
species
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 and the diversity of wildlife.
Additionally
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, they help to educate children and to provide vital information related to rare
species
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, children only learn about these animals and birds in their books but these
zoos
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 help to learn better about them. Watching them in real life makes a remarkable impression and a lifetime memory.
Moreover
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, many environmental issues are arising which is the reason for habitat destruction.
Hence
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,
zoos
Use synonyms
 are participating actively in conservation efforts and protecting various
species
Use synonyms
. They are
also
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 helping to grow and breed the rare
species
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.
For instance
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, a recent study shows that a few
zoos
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 reported
in
Correct your spelling
an
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 increase of various
tiger
Fix the agreement mistake
tigers
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 and other rare
species
Use synonyms
 in their
zoos
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.
In addition
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 to the
effort
Add a comma
effort,
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 India brought cheetahs from South Africa recently, which is a special
species
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 that was not available in India earlier.
To conclude
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, I would like to assert that, with all the above information
it is clear that
Linking Words
zoos
Use synonyms
 are multipurpose
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 to entertain, educate and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
protect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various
species
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay follows a logical sequence, with clear paragraphing where each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that introduces the idea you will discuss in that section.
task achievement
The essay should have a clear position throughout the response. Be sure your opinion is consistent from introduction to conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs in a way that guides the reader through the argument.
task achievement
Develop arguments with specific examples, facts, or data that support the points you are making.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay without introducing new information.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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