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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Taking care of
health
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 is essential to enjoy life to the fullest. Some
people
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 argue that individuals are accountable for their well-being,
while
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 others claim that it is the government’s responsibility to keep its citizens healthy. In
this
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 essay, both these assertions will be discussed. On the one hand,
people
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 believe that it is the responsibility of a person to take care of his well-being because of two main reasons.
Firstly
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, as each person’s
health
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 is unique/
due to
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 variations in
health
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, each person knows precisely what is beneficial to their
health
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 problem.
Therefore
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, they are the ones who decide the food they consume. Another reason is that mental well-being is vital
that
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and
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 contributes to a person’s
health
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 and can be solely managed through the practice of minimizing obsession with the issue.
For example
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,
according to
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 a study, it concluded that a person can overcome stress only when he is determined to stay happy.
On the other hand
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, other individuals think that the government alone has the power to ensure the
health
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 of its citizens, and one way to achieve
this
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 is by taxing hazardous
products
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.
This
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 initiative would not only make unhealthy goods expensive to consume but would
also
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 discourage manufacturers from producing them/ deter producers from making
products
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.
Secondly
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, the authorities can completely prohibit the production and selling of some items, which are hazardous to one's fitness/
pose
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or pose
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 a risk to
people
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’s physical well-being.
For instance
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, smoking is injurious to
health
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, which is clearly mentioned on tobacco
products
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, in spite of
such
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 warnings,
people
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 smoke cigarettes because it is easily available on shelves. The Government can ban
such
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products
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 from selling in markets,
this
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 step will make sure that
people
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 are unable to buy those
products
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 and stay fit. In conclusion,
people
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 can maintain their own fitness by consciously selecting new nutritious and appropriate diets,
while
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also
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 fostering emotional well-being by avoiding pressures.
However
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, governments can implement measures aimed at promoting the
health
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 of their
habitants
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habitats
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, including levying taxes and imposing a ban on productions/prohibiting the main new manufacturing, and
sells
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sales
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 of detrimental
products
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.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay follows a clear, logical structure. While your essay addresses the topic, the organization of ideas could be enhanced by using a more systematic approach.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion to frame your essay effectively. Articulate your own opinion clearly in the conclusion, capturing the essence of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with well-developed explanations and specific examples. Aim to demonstrate depth in your reasoning and a range of relevant evidence.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay responds fully to all parts of the task. Present a balanced discussion of both views and provide a clear position in your conclusion.
task achievement
Ideas should be clear and comprehensively explored. Elaborate on your points to showcase a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Employ relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Avoid general statements where more concrete supporting details could strengthen your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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