Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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As
a
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apply

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new
student
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students

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, some pupils
aware
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are aware

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and
curios
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curious

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about whether they can be accepted very well by their friends or maybe they can be
an
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isolated
person
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people

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without any mates.
This
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frightened brings up an issue of what we described as
a
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apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun bullying in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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bullying.
Such
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phenomenon
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a phenomenon

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become a serious problem that needs to be prevented by all the elements.
This
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essay will explain a detailed reason why
this
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issue happened including
recommendation
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a recommendation
the recommendation

The noun phrase recommendation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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to tackle it.
To begin
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with, it is undeniable that bullying will still be
the
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a

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scary story for most
students
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if they
are
Unnecessary verb
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enter a new
school
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after graduating.
This
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occurred because
of
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apply

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a perpetrator
feel
Wrong verb form
felt

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb feel. Consider changing it.

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the same way- that they got
an
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apply

The indefinite article, an, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun intimidation in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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intimidation by their senior. To amplify
this
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,
students
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comment
a
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negative
word
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words

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to
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on

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their
colleague’s
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colleagues’

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social media to express their pathetic moments, so it can bring
a
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apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun satisfaction in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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satisfaction.
On the other hand
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,
this
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problem can be tackled seamlessly if all the
school
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

elements take
a
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part
of
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in

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this
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situation. Head
school
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as the highest position with
the
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a

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powerful impact on the
school
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regulation can consider
to create
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creating

The verb create is usually in the gerund form when following the word consider. Consider replacing it with the -ing form.

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a bullying punishment applied for all
students
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For instance
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, the perpetrator
need
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needs

The plural verb need does not appear to agree with the singular subject the perpetrator. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to get a sanction, like points or get
a dedication assignments
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dedication assignments
a dedication assignment

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun assignments in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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to take care of the
school
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facilities. Eventually,
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

policy will help to minimise the inclination of bullying at the
school
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, consultation with teachers
assist
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assists

The plural verb assist does not appear to agree with the singular subject consultation. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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them with various solution if they
had
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have

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overcome
the
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personal issue. In conclusion,
this
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essay depicts that bullying is one of the
school
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

violations that can
appears
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appear

The verb appears after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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because of mental pressure
came
Verb problem
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from the perpetrator, but it
also
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can be measured with
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school’s
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the school’s

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sanction to deter
students
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow. Additionally, some main points are not fully developed or supported with clear examples or explanations which affects the coherence of the essay.
task achievement
The task is addressed, though not all parts are covered equally and the solutions and causes are not entirely clear or fully developed. Include more specific examples and explanations to illustrate points. Ensure that the essay directly addresses all components of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bullying
  • Harassment
  • Intimidation
  • Diversity
  • Adolescent
  • Mimic
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Cyberbullying
  • Peer pressure
  • Social acceptance
  • Awareness
  • Conflict resolution
  • Peer mediation
  • Consequences
  • Respect
  • Kindness
  • Open communication
  • Vulnerable
  • Buddy system
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