At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the of older people. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#time #population #countries #adults #people #outweigh

There is an idea that the population of young

adults

is almost more than elder

people

in some countries.

This

is a topic which has pros and cons but I think the positive points are more than the negative ones. The existence of more young

people

in a

country

brings many benefits. Because they have enough energy to deal with challenges in comparison with the old

people

. The main important reasons are the economy and industry. Regarding

this

, the more young workforce, the more activity in companies, factories, and offices the more productivity and efficiency for the

country

This

is like a cycle in which all elements impact each other. Except for

this

, in society, young

adults

can engage other

people

in different situations to have exciting and happy feelings in their moments. On the flip side,

although

young

adults

increase motivation and enthusiasm among

people

, it causes some trouble in some cases.

This

is a common and inevitable happening in a

country

due to

overpopulation.

For example

, if the rate of job positions decreases, the proportion of crimes proliferates.

This

situation is not good for a

country

because it can influence every element of life like marriage, travelling, and physical and mental health. To solve

this

issue, each

country

must have the right plan to manage the situation. In conclusion,

overall

, if some countries have more young

adults

than senior

people

, it is a positive sign. There are many opportunities for young

people

to work. It provides many good situations for a

country

to develop but it is really important how to manage the conditions.

Submitted by brightstargalaxy on Mon Jun 10 2024

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task achievement

To improve task response, try to provide more specific examples to back up your points. This makes your argument stronger and more convincing.

coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, consider linking sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. Transitional phrases and connective words can help enhance the flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Although the introduction and conclusion are present, try to make them more compelling by clearly summarizing the key points in the conclusion and making a more intriguing opening statement.

task achievement

The essay identifies both advantages and disadvantages, fulfilling the task requirements.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the essay.

coherence cohesion

The main ideas are generally clear and logically structured, contributing to a fairly coherent narrative.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

266 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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