it is common aspiration among many young people to run their business rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks ?

#aspiration #people #business #work #employer

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this

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competitive world, it is preferred by the majority of the new generation to run a business

instead

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to work

Change the verb form

working

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for a multinational

company

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However

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, I firmly believe that the benefits of entrepreneurship tend to develop the quality of our lives

while

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minimizing the disadvantages that setting up a business could bring. There are two possible effects, which I will discuss and try to reach a conclusion. One of the main

positive

Change to a plural noun

positives

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of establishing your enterprise is room to be creative and boosting your self-confidence through accomplishment.

For instance

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, without

Wrong verb form

following

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Wrong verb form

following

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the orders of your boss in a

company

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, you can not only reach your objectives by working for yourself but

also

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Wrong verb form

get

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getting

Wrong verb form

get

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all the credit that you have made.

Secondly

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, the pride of receiving your wage will be perceived differently from a salary as an employee in a

company

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Although

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a salary as a finance director in a big

company

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is rewarding, receiving the benefits of your own decisions for your business brings a sense of achievement and

expanding

Wrong verb form

expands

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your comfort

zones

Fix the agreement mistake

zone

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for personal development.

Submitted by bouteloupcamille13 on Wed Dec 13 2023

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Introduction/Conclusion

Ensure that the essay includes both an introduction that clearly states your position and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your viewpoint. The absence of a clear conclusion can significantly affect the perceived completeness of the essay.

Supporting Examples

Develop each argument with relevant examples or evidence. The paragraph on the pride of receiving your wage could benefit from specific examples or statistics to support the argument.

Cohesion

Aim for a more sophisticated organizational structure. Use transitional phrases and sentences to show clear relationships between ideas. This makes your essay more cohesive and improves the flow of information.

Task Response

Address potential drawbacks to working for yourself as the topic asks for a discussion of both advantages and disadvantages. Incorporate contrasting points into your argument to fully address the essay prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

178 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

aspiration
entrepreneur
flexibility
decision-making
financial rewards
personal fulfillment
challenges
financial risk
invested capital
cash flow
guaranteed income
work-life balance
responsibility
pressure
burnout

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it is common aspiration among many young people to run their business rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks ?

Fully explain your ideas

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantanges outweigh the disadvamtages

Some people say that playing computergames is bad for children in every aspect. Ohters say that palying computergames can have positive effects on the way children develop. Discuss both views and give youre opinion

It is important for everyone, including young people to save money for their future. To what extent do you agreeor disagree

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.