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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #be¬cause #effects
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As society develops, several advertisements aimed at
children
 show lots of negative information. Some people argue that it should be banned
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 it influences
children
 to grow up. Of my point of view I strongly agree with it. And I will show some evidence to prove my view in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, advertisement as a public media has important functions, it can lead direction to citizens, and no matter whether oppositive or negative will affect human interests.
For instance
, a lot of products need to inform customers eyes on the benefits through advertising, which directly focuses on income rather than other reasons. Meanwhile, they enlarge the product effect with sex on the TV or website to catch customers, which had bad influences on
children
 and adults.
As a result
, the
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 are unhealthy and invalid.
Secondly
,
due to
 the unlimited conditions of the public, a great number of ads appear everywhere,
such
 as on mobile phones and roads. we should keep a healthy environment culture for the education of
children
.
For example
, to give more view on friendly and helps thing, that will encourage
children
 helps each other.
Hence
, giving more stages for more beautiful things to society can lead people correct way. In conclusion, I think we should limit the negative effects of ads, which need more focus and help without the government. Everyone has to manage the information around us, which always influences our lives in the moment.
Submitted by zhang342621374 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on providing a clear introduction, body paragraphs with main points followed by supporting details, and a coherent conclusion. Your essay lacks clear, cohesive transitions and logical sequencing of ideas. It's recommended to use linking words effectively to improve the flow of information.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by ensuring your position is clear throughout the essay. Include relevant examples and explanations to support your main ideas. While you agreed with the statement, the supporting points were not entirely clear nor comprehensive. Work on expanding your explanations and using concrete examples to strengthen your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • vulnerability
  • impressionability
  • developmental stage
  • critical thinking
  • marketing tactics
  • dietary choices
  • childhood obesity
  • materialism
  • consumerism
  • parental control
  • consumption
  • advertising literacy
  • interpret
  • outright ban
  • economic repercussions
  • media outlets
  • ad revenue
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