Many many features food and drink product contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Health related
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Health-related
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problems are increasing day by day, a number of manufactured
foods
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and drinks items contain high levels of
sugar
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. A number of individuals suggest that those
type
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types
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of
product
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products
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should be more costly to encourage people to use less
sugar
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. I totally agree with
this
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statement, and in
this
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essay
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essay,
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I will provide
detail
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detailed
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information to clarify my point.
Firstly
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, people nowadays, consume fast
foods
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and packaging
foods
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in large numbers. Which
is
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apply
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directly
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
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to
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apply
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their health, because of the ingredients they
contains
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contain
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Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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example,
sugar
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, salt, fat, and protein. High levels of
sugar
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added
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are added
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in
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to
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that
Use synonyms
foods
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food
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to make
its
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them
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taste better and delicious,
individuals
Correct word choice
and individuals
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directly
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are directly
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attracted towards
it
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them
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.
But
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However
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they
did
Verb problem
were
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not aware
about
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of
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the side effects and will experience various health problems in
near
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the near
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future. Coming to the point, if
government
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the government
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take action on it, and
add
Correct subject-verb agreement
adds
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more tax on that type of
items
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item
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then
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it will obviously decrease the purchasing rate.
On the other hand
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, fast cuisine production companies will face huge
loss
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losses
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and stop making
that
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that product
those products
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products
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in upcoming times.
In addition
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,
sugar
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product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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found
Add a missing verb
are found
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easily and they are cheaper too,
individual
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individually
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by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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because of their delicious test and low cost. Making
this
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product expensive and
reduction
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reducing
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money from other
products
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, like bread, nuts, fruits and rice items. Can be helpful to change the demands of consumers in
a
Correct article usage
the
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long term.
To conclude
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,
although
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, it is not a perfect solution to totally eliminate the uses of sugary
products
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,
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however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
it will be helpful to reduce
production
Add an article
the production
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rate of those
products
Use synonyms
Submitted by sumitsubedi986 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure and paragraphing. An examiner would expect a more organized approach with separate paragraphs for introduction, arguments for, arguments against (if applicable), and conclusion. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve readability.
task achievement
You need to properly introduce the essay topic and offer a clear thesis statement in the introduction. In the conclusion, summarize your main points and restate your opinion. Maintain a clear position throughout the essay.
task achievement
Support your arguments with specific examples and clearer reasoning. The use of examples helps to illustrate your points and makes your argument more convincing. Avoid making broad or unsupported claims. Aim to develop each paragraph with a single clear idea supported by examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Work on your sentence structure and punctuation for greater clarity. Also, be mindful of subject-verb agreement and proper tense usage. These grammatical aspects are crucial for achieving a higher score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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