IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Universities should accept equal numbers og male and female student in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #og #student
Nowadays, there are many problems
above all
 gender problems.
For instance
, universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every
subject
 but I disagree with the statements and I will give some points of view. First of all, a university in order to educate
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 and prepare them for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 and
these student
Change the determiner
this student
these students
show examples
 will lead the country in the future. Tries to accept the same number of students from both genders in each
subject
,
it
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apply
show examples
wouldn't be a good idea for the country. Rather they should focus on talent and there is no harm if more male and female recruitment can
Add a missing verb
be afmitted
show examples
afmitted
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admitted
fitted
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educatioanal
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educational
institution
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institutions
show examples
 based on talent.
Implimenting
Correct your spelling
Implementing
 an equal number of male and female students in each
subject
 would take away the freedom
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to study in
favourite
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the favourite
show examples
subject
.
On the other hand
,
this
 approach
also
 contradicts the principle of equality. In the university admissions process,
candidates
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candidates'
candidate's
show examples
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 and abilities should be
prirotized
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prioritized
instead
 of their gender. In conclusion, to enter the university, it is necessary to pay attention not
o
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to
show examples
 the number of women and men, but to their abilities.
Submitted by ibrohimnasimov299 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak; it requires a clear and coherent progression of ideas throughout. Consider using clear topic sentences to outline the main ideas in each paragraph and ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but lack clarity and impact. The introduction should clearly state the topic and your position, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are not well supported with specific examples or evidence. Strengthen your essay by providing clear illustrations or factual evidence for your arguments.
task achievement
The essay does not fully address the task as it fails to develop a clear argument on whether universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. There is room for improvement in providing a more developed and complete response to the question.
task achievement
Ideas are present, but they need to be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. Aim to express your thoughts more effectively, allowing the reader to understand your arguments with ease.
task achievement
The essay lacks relevant and specific examples to support the opinions stated. Make your arguments stronger and more convincing by citing concrete examples or statistics that relate to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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