IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that zoos, which keep wild animals by man-made environment should no longer exist in 21st century. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Needless to say,
zoos
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 are well known for the diversity of
animals
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 and have attracted individuals for many years.
Zoos
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 are artificial habitats for wild creatures made by man for multiple purposes.
However
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, some people believe that
zoos
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 should be banned in the future but I disagree with the statement and the reasons have been stipulated in the subsequent paragraphs. First of all, the primary reason is that
zoos
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 are sort of educational institute because it has various
species
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 of
animals
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at
Change preposition
in
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 one place and is
best
Change the article
the best
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 way for individuals to get knowledge about different
animals
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.
Moreover
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,
zoo
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the zoo
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 has multiple programs
such
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 as breeding programs to preserve
an
Correct article usage
apply
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endangered
species
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who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 are eventually on
a
Correct article usage
the
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 brink of extinction
due to
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 deforestation and illegal hunting.
For instance
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, in India, Tigers are considered
the
Correct article usage
an
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 endangered
species
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, but with the help of some conservation parks and
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zoos
Add a comma
zoos,
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 they are saved and now multiplying.
In addition
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 to
this
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, wildlife parks boost the economy as they are
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 of tourism and encourage people to visit and spend money. The money earned from tourism can be used for the betterment of wild creatures and other purposes.
Along with
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this
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, medical care is provided at
zoos
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 to the
animals
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 which helps them to recover from various diseases which is not possible in forests that may result in
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
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 of
species
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.
Moreover
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, if,
zoos
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 continue to build, there
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be more requirements
of
Change preposition
for
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 employees
such
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 as guards, researchers and staff and it will create more job opportunities and provide employment.
To conclude
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, it
churns
Verb problem
turns
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 out that
zoos
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 are beneficial for
animals
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as well as
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 society. So, it should increase in the future rather than limiting or banning it because limiting it will result in the extinction of some
species
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 of wild
animals
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.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your stance on the topic and directly addresses the essay question. Although the introduction mentions disagreement with the given statement, it could be more explicit in stating your position and main arguments.
task achievement
Develop your main points by elaborating on the arguments presented and providing more detailed evidence and examples. For instance, further expand on how zoos contribute to breeding programs that save endangered species from extinction, including more specifics on how these programs operate.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph introduces a clear main idea and follows with supporting sentences that are relevant to the topic. Avoid introducing unrelated points and make sure there is a logical flow to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas throughout your essay. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smooth and contribute to the overall coherence of your response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ethical considerations
  • Wildlife conservation
  • Artificial habitats
  • Species preservation
  • Breeding programs
  • Animal welfare
  • Ecological awareness
  • Habitat destruction
  • Captive breeding
  • Educational outreach
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Psychological stress
  • Regulatory compliance
  • Domestication vs. wildness
  • Natural behavior
  • Economic viability
  • Tourist attractions
  • Cultural perspective
  • Public sentiment
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