Many Offenders commit more crime after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
Nowadays, the number of
offense
Fix the agreement mistake
offenses
turned
by re-offenders is increasing in many Verb problem
committed
country
.There are several Change to a plural noun
countries
causes
Change preposition
of
to
Change preposition
of
this
phenomenon such
us
lack of social care,lack of rehabilitation,Correct your spelling
as
Correct word choice
and lack
lack
of training programs.Correct word choice
and lack
This
essay will discus
Correct your spelling
discuss
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
increasing
re-offending and solutions Change preposition
of increasing
of
Change preposition
to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
causes
.
Ex-convicts tend to re-offend.Since,
there are some Remove the comma
apply
causes
.Firstly
,people
with a criminal record are not accepted by society.After first
crime Correct article usage
the first
people
are afraid from
convicts and Change the preposition
of
people
think criminal
can damage their life bad Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
behavior
.Change the spelling
behaviour
Secondly
,ex-convicts are unable to find paid employment.Employers don’t hire criminals
.Since,
they can not trust Remove the comma
apply
people
who make mistake
.Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
Also
,criminals
are conditioned by life prison
and they cannot adapt to life outside Change preposition
in prison
prison
.Due to
these causes
criminals
can not change Correct pronoun usage
their lifes
lifes
,they bored Correct your spelling
lives
lonelines
,Correct your spelling
loneliness
unemployment
and they repeat their mistakes.
Every problem has some solution. Increasing crime by re-offenders has several solutions. On the one hand, governments should organize Replace the word
unemployed
traning
programmes in Correct your spelling
training
prison
for criminals
.This
programmes can help offenders develop new skills. After release from Correct determiner usage
These
prison
criminals
can find Add an article
a job
the job
job
or they can start their own Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
business
through Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
this
skills.Correct determiner usage
these
For example
,there are several training programmes which teach offense
new Change the spelling
offence
skilles
Correct your spelling
skills
such
as hairdress
,dressmaker,Correct your spelling
hairdresser
hairdressing
Correct word choice
and carpenter
carpenter
in many Correct word choice
and carpenter
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
country
.Fix the agreement mistake
countries
On the other hand
,criminals
can be rehabilitated to avoid anti-social behaviour.This
rehalibitation
can help them to change bad behaviours.Correct your spelling
rehabilitation
Submitted by nigar_032 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay's structure requires significant improvement. It lacks clear introductory and concluding paragraphs which are critical for setting the context and summarizing the main points. There are also issues with paragraphing, as ideas are not clearly separated into distinct paragraphs, making the text hard to follow.
coherence cohesion
The main points need better support through relevant examples and explanations. While the essay touches on some causes and solutions, these are inadequately explained and lack depth. Providing concrete examples and expanding on how the solutions could be implemented would strengthen the argument.
task achievement
While the essay attempts to address the topic, the response is not fully developed. To improve, ensure that all parts of the task are addressed comprehensively. The ideas should be clear, well-argued, and aligned with the question's requirements.
task achievement
There needs to be a clearer development of ideas, ensuring each one is comprehensively explained and flows naturally to the next. Consider using a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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