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Band 5

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extend do you agree?

#government #budget #arts #money #education
It is true that some people believe that the government should lower the funding
Change preposition
for
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
arts
 and focus the investment on
education
.
Although
 the condition may improve
education
 standards, I fully disagree with the statement since
arts
 can improve
creativity
 and health. On the one side, making the
education
 sector a priority can strengthen the
education
 levels. By investing more in
this
 part, the
education
 Ministry permitted the government to create contextual learning;
therefore
, the assessment for students' achievement not only uses numbers but
also
 a qualitative method.
However
, in fact, teachers have struggled with
this
 task since they are not supported by good facilities or training first. To exemplify
this
, in Indonesia, the implementation of
education
 contextual-based has not run well
due to
 the teachers not
given
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 the proper preparation at the beginning. On the other side, owing to
creativity
 is essential nowadays,
firstly
, the government have to invest in the
arts
 by developing training and facilities for the public.
For instance
, by providing more activities in
arts
 without any charge in Bandung, Indonesia, people’s soft skills have improved in order to support their lives. They earn money from those skills,
creativity
Correct word choice
and creativity
show examples
.
Secondly
,
arts
 can improve mental health conditions in society. To exemplify
this
, the authority in East Sumba partnering with NGOs provides the
arts
 week for the community for free.
Hence
, people can express their emotions in
arts
such
 as painting or dancing since those activities can be used as part of mental treatment. In conclusion, I firmly believe that more investing in
arts
 the state can improve
creativity
 and health conditions in public rather than focusing only on
education
.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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