IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extend do you agree?

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It is true that some people believe that the government should lower the funding
Change preposition
for
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
arts
Use synonyms
 and focus the investment on
education
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.
Although
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 the condition may improve
education
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 standards, I fully disagree with the statement since
arts
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 can improve
creativity
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 and health. On the one side, making the
education
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 sector a priority can strengthen the
education
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 levels. By investing more in
this
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 part, the
education
Use synonyms
 Ministry permitted the government to create contextual learning;
therefore
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, the assessment for students' achievement not only uses numbers but
also
Linking Words
 a qualitative method.
However
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, in fact, teachers have struggled with
this
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 task since they are not supported by good facilities or training first. To exemplify
this
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, in Indonesia, the implementation of
education
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 contextual-based has not run well
due to
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 the teachers not
given
Wrong verb form
giving
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 the proper preparation at the beginning. On the other side, owing to
creativity
Use synonyms
 is essential nowadays,
firstly
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, the government have to invest in the
arts
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 by developing training and facilities for the public.
For instance
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, by providing more activities in
arts
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 without any charge in Bandung, Indonesia, people’s soft skills have improved in order to support their lives. They earn money from those skills,
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creativity
Correct word choice
and creativity
show examples
.
Secondly
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,
arts
Use synonyms
 can improve mental health conditions in society. To exemplify
this
Linking Words
, the authority in East Sumba partnering with NGOs provides the
arts
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 week for the community for free.
Hence
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, people can express their emotions in
arts
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such
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 as painting or dancing since those activities can be used as part of mental treatment. In conclusion, I firmly believe that more investing in
arts
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 the state can improve
creativity
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 and health conditions in public rather than focusing only on
education
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in your essay by using transition words and phrases that effectively connect your ideas and arguments. This will enhance the logical flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. The introduction should outline the main points you will discuss, while the conclusion should summarize these points and restate your position clearly. The lack of a clearly defined conclusion undermines the effectiveness of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
When presenting your main points, ensure that they are well-supported with appropriate evidence or examples. This strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing to the reader.
task achievement
Make sure your response fully addresses the question posed. It should include a clear opinion on the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement, followed by a comprehensive discussion of your views, and a conclusion that reaffirms your standpoint.
task achievement
Aim to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Avoid vague statements and clarify your thoughts through elaboration or specific examples. This will help the reader understand your perspective more fully and contribute to a coherent argument.
task achievement
Utilize relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points and provide evidence for your arguments. Examples from real-world contexts or personal experiences can bring your essay to life and make your points more relatable and persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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