The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extend do you agree?

It is true that some people believe that the government should lower the funding
Change preposition
for
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
arts
and focus the investment on
education
.
Although
the condition may improve
education
standards, I fully disagree with the statement since
arts
can improve
creativity
and health. On the one side, making the
education
sector a priority can strengthen the
education
levels. By investing more in
this
part, the
education
Ministry permitted the government to create contextual learning;
therefore
, the assessment for students' achievement not only uses numbers but
also
a qualitative method.
However
, in fact, teachers have struggled with
this
task since they are not supported by good facilities or training first. To exemplify
this
, in Indonesia, the implementation of
education
contextual-based has not run well
due to
the teachers not
given
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
the proper preparation at the beginning. On the other side, owing to
creativity
is essential nowadays,
firstly
, the government have to invest in the
arts
by developing training and facilities for the public.
For instance
, by providing more activities in
arts
without any charge in Bandung, Indonesia, people’s soft skills have improved in order to support their lives. They earn money from those skills,
creativity
Correct word choice
and creativity
show examples
.
Secondly
,
arts
can improve mental health conditions in society. To exemplify
this
, the authority in East Sumba partnering with NGOs provides the
arts
week for the community for free.
Hence
, people can express their emotions in
arts
such
as painting or dancing since those activities can be used as part of mental treatment. In conclusion, I firmly believe that more investing in
arts
the state can improve
creativity
and health conditions in public rather than focusing only on
education
.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in your essay by using transition words and phrases that effectively connect your ideas and arguments. This will enhance the logical flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. The introduction should outline the main points you will discuss, while the conclusion should summarize these points and restate your position clearly. The lack of a clearly defined conclusion undermines the effectiveness of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
When presenting your main points, ensure that they are well-supported with appropriate evidence or examples. This strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing to the reader.
task achievement
Make sure your response fully addresses the question posed. It should include a clear opinion on the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement, followed by a comprehensive discussion of your views, and a conclusion that reaffirms your standpoint.
task achievement
Aim to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Avoid vague statements and clarify your thoughts through elaboration or specific examples. This will help the reader understand your perspective more fully and contribute to a coherent argument.
task achievement
Utilize relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points and provide evidence for your arguments. Examples from real-world contexts or personal experiences can bring your essay to life and make your points more relatable and persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: