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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the proportion of pupils attending for Secondary school types between 2000 and 2009

The table shows the proportion of pupils attending for Secondary school types between 2000 and 2009
The table
compare
Change the verb form
compares
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 four different types of Secondary
schools
Use synonyms
 in terms of
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
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 of
Use synonyms
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
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 attendance.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
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 of
students
Use synonyms
attended
Correct pronoun usage
who attended
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in
Change preposition
apply
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Community
Use synonyms
Schools
Use synonyms
 increased dramatically
while
Linking Words
 those of Specialist
schools
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, Grammar
schools
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 and
Voluntary- controlled
Correct your spelling
voluntary-controlled
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schools
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 saw
vary
Replace the word
various
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of decreases over the 9-year period. It
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 worth noting that in 2000 Voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
 were the most popular for pupils but by the end of
period
Add an article
the period
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,
Community
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schools
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 had taken the lead. In 2000, Voluntary- controlled
schools
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 were the most popular choice among the
students
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 with figures of 52%.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by the Grammar
schools
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 which provided 24% of
total
Add an article
the total
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 amount of
Use synonyms
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
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 attendance.Specialist and
Community
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schools
Use synonyms
 were shown the same percentage at 12% by given the years. By the end of
Correct article usage
the period
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period
Add a comma
period,
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students
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Community
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 had seen a
dramatically
Change the word
dramatic
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 rise to 58%. Other
schools
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 of proportion namely: Specialists
schools
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, Voluntary-controlled and Grammar
schools
Use synonyms
 had been declined in 2009.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words schools, students, community with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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