IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

compare the number of access to the internet in Europe

#access #internet #europe
On the sales pie chart, you can observe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most contacts are from the UK and Germany, and a partial section of the users are from other countries in order of their levels: France, Switzerland, and Spain. The most notable usage of the
Internet
 dates back to 2004, For the UK, that would have
raise
Correct your spelling
risen
show examples
 among other nations,
although
 the Germany at
certain
Change the article
a certain
show examples
 amount of time got close to their level
on the contrary
 it was not enough for that to reach the same stage as
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
.
In contrast
 to them, the lower level of access to the
internet
 indicates Europe is not yet
acquaintance
Replace the word
acquainted
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
internet
.
For instance
, in
Spain
Add a comma
Spain,
show examples
 people barely tend to connect to
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 throughout all of
these period
Change the determiner
this period
these periods
show examples
.
Consequently
, the chart
collaborate
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 where
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the highest and lowest European worldwide website contact
request
Fix the agreement mistake
requests
show examples
 for their content through the
internet
thus
 most nations are slightly knee to connect to
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
Submitted by mehranhamzeh74 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential elements of a well-structured response. The absence of a well-defined introductory paragraph that sets the context and a conclusion that summarizes the main ideas results in an incomplete structure that does not fully satisfy the requirements of the task.
coherence cohesion
You should aim to organize your ideas more logically, linking them clearly to ensure better readability and understanding. Aim to use a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing to enhance the flow of information. Additionally, it is important to expand on the main points with more supported details to create a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
The task requires a comparison of internet access in Europe, however, your response does not clearly articulate this comparison, nor does it provide a broad coverage of the topic. Focus on analyzing the data more thoroughly and presenting it in a way that addresses the question's requirements more directly and completely.
task achievement
Your essay has partially responded to the task with some relevant details and examples. However, you should strive to make your ideas more comprehensive and clearer. Ensure that the information and examples provided are directly relevant to the question prompt and are used to effectively support your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: