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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the number of visitors to three London Museums between 2007 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar graph indicates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of guests to three different London Museums from 2007 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, during 2007-2012, there was an upward trend in the number of National Gallery's
visitors
Use synonyms
, meanwhile, the figure of
guest
Fix the agreement mistake
guests
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 in the others experienced a downward trend from 2007 to 2009- 2010 before undergoing an upward trend in the
last
Linking Words
 three years. In 2007, Victoria and Albert was the most popular museum with nearly 14
million
Use synonyms
 people. The same figure in the next
year
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
, the sum of
guest
Fix the agreement mistake
guests
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started
Add the particle
started to
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 decrease to about 6
million
Use synonyms
 guests in 2010. Even so, the situation
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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changed
positely
Correct your spelling
positively
politely
 when the number
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 gradually from about 6
million
Use synonyms
 to 10
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
Similarly
Linking Words
, British Museum had approximately 12
thousand
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2007 and
dreased
Correct your spelling
decreased
dressed
 by 6
thousand
Use synonyms
 in the next two years. In 2010, there was a
steadily rose
Replace the word
steady rise
show examples
 in the number of its from 6
thousand
Use synonyms
 to under 15
thousand
Use synonyms
 people.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
National
Correct article usage
the National
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 Gallery saw
a
Correct article usage
apply
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stability
year
Use synonyms
 over
year
Use synonyms
 from above 5
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
 to about 16
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2012. Specifically, they
was
Change the verb form
were
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 the least popular museum with about 6
million
Use synonyms
 people in the
fisrt
Correct your spelling
first
year
Use synonyms
 and kept going up to about 11
million
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Then
Linking Words
, they
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
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 stable with the same figure in 2011 and peaked
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 16
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, million, year, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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