IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
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People
Use synonyms
 have different views about many government's
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
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 about the importance of
progress
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 in just economic way.
While
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 some argue that economic
development
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 is more important than other
progress
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 in
countries
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, I believe that there are other different sections which should be improved with economics. On one hand, economic
development
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 is
progress
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 which makes a
country
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 grow and become important among other
countries
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. These days, most of the developed
countries
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 are successful
as a
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result
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 of their economic
progress
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.
Moreover
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, developing economic section
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 the
country
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 a chance to more investment in their service industries or primary industries and
this
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 will
result
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 in raising cash flow in the
country
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 and more welfare for the
people
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.
As a
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result
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, more investors become interested in investing in the
country
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, preventing spending money in other foreign
countries
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 and growing the
country
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's placement among developed
countries
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.
On the other hand
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, economic
development
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 is not as important as other sections in a
country
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.
Firstly
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, the rate of literacy among children is the most important thing that should be developed in the
country
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. Young
people
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 are the future investors and employers of a
country
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, and without improving their skills and education, even with improving the economic section, the
country
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 will face many problems in the future.
Secondly
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, the rate of satisfaction of the local
people
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 is another important thing that governments have to care more about. When local
people
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 of a
country
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 or city are not satisfied with a
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country
Change noun form
country's
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 services to
people
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 most of them tend to immigrate to another
country
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 which will
result
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 in exporting educated
people
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 and youngsters to developed
countries
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.
Finally
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, other sections of life improvement
is
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are
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 needed for governments to improve their
country
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 among other
countries
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 economic
development
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 is important for any
country
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, other improvements should not be forgotten other than economic.
Submitted by mohammadrahmani3647 on

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Task Achievement
To improve in task achievement, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Both views and your own opinion should be discussed, with a clear position throughout the response. Develop your main points further and establish a stronger connection between them and your overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure that ideas flow logically from one to another and that cohesive devices are used effectively. Try to structure your essay with clear paragraphs each containing one main idea and appropriate supporting information. Each paragraph should have clear topic sentences and subsequent sentences should effectively illustrate or explain the main point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
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