Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all the societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

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Music and Art are often considered to be the fundamental core of societies across the globe. With the advancement of technology and the fast way in which the world is developing, there is an even bigger need to preserve the arts. The world as we know it today is rapidly evolving and

ever changing

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ever-changing

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thanks to the contribution of

modern day

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modern-day

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advancements in technology.

Therefore

, it is paramount that we encourage equal opportunities for both artistic hobbies

as well as

modern machinery.

Firstly

such

past

Correct word choice

apply

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times enrich one’s mind and broaden the ability to understand other cultures, societies and people.

Furthermore

, it allows us to explore diversity and engage in activities that are not part of our daily routine.

Secondly

, the majority of artistic creations and musical masterpieces are interlinked with that nation’s history.

This

means that indulging in

such

leisure’s

Change noun form

leisure

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inevitably increases one's knowledge about the history and conservation of a nation. I believe that learning institutions,

such

as schools would benefit greatly if there was equal time devoted to both hobbies. Focusing on subjects other than maths and science allows for the development of passions and stirs up creativity in the minds of children.

In addition

this

, creative subjects can provide a

much needed

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much-needed

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distraction and break up the schedule of a tiring school day.

Moreover

, several studies have shown that playing a form of a song or melody in the background can facilitate active recall and increase attention span, which is of great need when preparing for important exams.

To conclude

although

newly created equipment is a precedent in our world today, we should still make time and encourage passions like music and the arts.

Submitted by abeera2012 on Wed Dec 13 2023

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task achievement

While your introduction set the stage well for your discussion, and you included a concluding paragraph which summarized your arguments effectively, you ought to ensure that your essay fully addresses all aspects of the prompt. Consider the second question more thoroughly in future responses.

coherence cohesion

You have organized your essay logically and it is easy to follow your line of argument. However, look to improve paragraph transitions to enhance the flow of ideas. In addition, implement a variety of cohesive devices to link sentences and ideas more smoothly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

279 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all the societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Write a letter to your Facebook friend. In your letter describe a news story in your country explain why people are interested in it say how the story personally relates to you

Inventors are not as important to society as doctors. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

You read an article in a magazine recently which might be useful for you and your friend's job. Write a letter to your friend and say -Describe an article and its content, explain why it is good for you, why would it be helpful for your friend?

you are living in adeveloping country and people moving to developed country. local government conducting a survey. option A - rich countries are stealing people from poor countries option B - this is a part of natural movement of professionals around the world.