Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all the societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

#art #music #elements #societies #place #world #technology #children #time #school

Music and Art are often considered to be the fundamental core of societies across the globe. With the advancement of technology and the fast way in which the world is developing, there is an even bigger need to preserve the arts. The world as we know it today is rapidly evolving and

ever changing

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ever-changing

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thanks to the contribution of

modern day

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modern-day

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advancements in technology.

Therefore

, it is paramount that we encourage equal opportunities for both artistic hobbies

as well as

modern machinery.

Firstly

such

past

Correct word choice

apply

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times enrich one’s mind and broaden the ability to understand other cultures, societies and people.

Furthermore

, it allows us to explore diversity and engage in activities that are not part of our daily routine.

Secondly

, the majority of artistic creations and musical masterpieces are interlinked with that nation’s history.

This

means that indulging in

such

leisure’s

Change noun form

leisure

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inevitably increases one's knowledge about the history and conservation of a nation. I believe that learning institutions,

such

as schools would benefit greatly if there was equal time devoted to both hobbies. Focusing on subjects other than maths and science allows for the development of passions and stirs up creativity in the minds of children.

In addition

this

, creative subjects can provide a

much needed

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much-needed

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distraction and break up the schedule of a tiring school day.

Moreover

, several studies have shown that playing a form of a song or melody in the background can facilitate active recall and increase attention span, which is of great need when preparing for important exams.

To conclude

although

newly created equipment is a precedent in our world today, we should still make time and encourage passions like music and the arts.

Submitted by abeera2012 on Wed Dec 13 2023

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task achievement

While your introduction set the stage well for your discussion, and you included a concluding paragraph which summarized your arguments effectively, you ought to ensure that your essay fully addresses all aspects of the prompt. Consider the second question more thoroughly in future responses.

coherence cohesion

You have organized your essay logically and it is easy to follow your line of argument. However, look to improve paragraph transitions to enhance the flow of ideas. In addition, implement a variety of cohesive devices to link sentences and ideas more smoothly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

279 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural identity
cognitive benefits
emotional expression
mental well-being
mindfulness
human connection
creativity
critical thinking
discipline
collaboration
economic contributions
academic performance

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Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all the societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Many people today know more about international pop or movie stars than about famous people in the history of their own country. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people’s interest in famous people in the history of their country?

University students are increasingly studying abroad as part of their studies. Do the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages!

You are work working for a company.You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this Write a letter to your manager.In you letter explain why you want to take time off work give details of amount of time you need suggest how your work could be covered while you are away

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

Detailed descriptions of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be restricted on media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+