IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Topic: Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#topic #people #countryside #cities #towns #development
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These days, it is important that
people
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's lifestyles have been changing from the past;
as a result
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, the
people
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 who are young prefer to live in Urban areas
instead
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 of Villages and most
people
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 who are older live in the countryside. In my opinion, it is the negative development
that is
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 a result of the lack of facilities in these regions. On the one hand, if populations migrate from rural districts to cities, the number of environmental matters
such
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 as air pollution, clean water, deforestation and other things will climb owing to the fact that communities who live in the cities need accommodation regions, so they destroyed vegetation areas and replaced them with new houses;
moreover
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, these
people
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 need good transportation for going anywhere;
therefore
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, it is crucial that the mayors of these towns improve
this
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 system;
nevertheless
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,
people
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 used our own vehicles and leap pollutions.
On the other hand
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, the elderly generations who do not leave villages need
people
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 who take care of them
due to
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 the fact that most of them are sick or need some
people
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 who help them to solve their problems, yet new generations leave these places;
hence
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, governments should investment large money for
people
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 come back to their hometowns.
In addition
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, when the younger
people
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 leave their villages, the agriculture industries do not evolve inasmuch as adults live near farmers.
To sum up
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, leaving the village young
people
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 has a lot of disadvantages for the authorities on account of the fact that they have to spend a lot of money on city' matters, farming and old
people
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.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide clearer and more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph presents a single clear idea and develop this idea fully. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
supported main points
You have successfully identified both the negative impacts of young people leaving the countryside and the reasons behind it. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your discussion well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • demographic shift
  • sustainability
  • cultural heritage
  • infrastructural development
  • agricultural decline
  • technological divide
  • rural depopulation
  • economic disparity
  • revitalization efforts
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